Posted by Bishop Susan Storm Smith
I greet you today in the precious name of the Lord, Jesus Christ. Christ meaning the anointed one of Israel. Isn't it wonderful to know that we are grafted into his marvelous branch!John 15 has always held a special place in my heart and spirit. He lets us know right up front that He is the True Vine. He is the truth, the life, and the way into eternal life, to be with him forever when we accept him at Lord and Savior. I'm so glad that you became part of the family. That you have a hunger and thirst to know more about Him and want to study the Bible so that you can know for yourself that special relationship with the lover of your soul.To know that no matter what any of us has done, no matter where we go, He is always right there with us. I find it of great comfort in my midnight hours, to know that He is totally within me. When we accept Jesus, who was fully God and fully man on the earth and that he is totally within us when we receive him. That makes me want to know more about his fullness within me.When we make the confession of our sin and accept Jesus as Lord and Savior, we are then given the gift of salvation, but we are also gifted with the gift of the Holy Spirit, the God of all creation within us. Isn't that marvelous! Just think you cannot separate any part of God or he is no longer whole. So we have all of God.Ephesians 4:6One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.John 14:11Believe me that I am in the Father, and the Father in me: or else believe me for the very works' sake.John 14:20At that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me, and I in you.John 15:26But when the Comforter is come, whom I will send unto you from the Father, even the Spirit of truth, which proceedeth from the Father, he shall testify of me:When we realize that God is wholly and totally within us, nothing missing and nothing lacking it starts to change how we think about ourselves. I found that doubt started to leave, and questions began to arise in my mind.One of the first things that happens when we get this awesome revelation is that we have all of God, and yet we have been asking for a piece of this and a piece of that to receive from him. Why? Because our flesh has not been totally crucified yet. We cannot comprehend that all of God is with and in us through the precious Holy Spirit. God is not separated. God the Father sent His son, Jesus, who then sent the Comforter, or Holy Spirit so that God would always remain with man and help us through the valleys and mountains of life.If you're going through something today and don't know how to get to level land; you feel like you're in a rut … know that the Lord is with you. Knock, ask and receive by faith.
http://www.livinginblackandwhite.com/profiles/blogs/2133465:BlogPost:5350
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Pakistan Children Sold As Slave to Fund Islamic Militants
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Posted by Bishop Susan Storm Smith
This article was sent to me via email but I felt it was worth the time for everyone to read since Pakistan and its neighbors in cooperation with Al-Qaida are in the beginning dance of a regional expansion of war.**************A leading member of a militant Islamic organization based in Pakistan is funding its activities through the sale of Christian children into slavery, according to a Christian persecution watchdog group.A leading member of a militant Islamic organization based in Pakistan is funding its activities through the sale of Christian children into slavery, according to a Christian persecution watchdog group.The militant Islamic organization, Gul Khan, is said to abduct children between the ages of six to twelve from their homes in remote Christian villages in the Punjab and incarcerate them in deplorable conditions until they are sold, report the Barnabas Fund.Children supposedly sold into the sex trade or a life of domestic servitude sell for about US$1,700 each. “The revelation of this horrifying trade in Christian boys to fund Islamic terrorism is an extreme manifestation of the discrimination and oppression of Christians in Pakistan ,” said Dr Patrick Sookhdeo, the International Director of Barnabas Fund.“The classical teachings of Islam on the second class status of non-Muslims (called dhimmi) create an attitude of contempt towards Pakistan ’s Christian minority which is seen in a whole raft of daily discrimination, injustice and humiliation.”According to Barnabas Fund, the children are beaten savagely, only fed once a day and ordered not to talk, play or pray.The group reported that two Christian missionaries – one Pakistani, the other American – helped expose the slave trafficking after seeing photographs of boys for sale on the black market in Quetta , the capital of Baluchistan province.The missionaries reportedly devised an elaborate and risky rescue plan where the Pakistani missionary posed as a Lahore businessman who wanted to buy boys to beg for him. The plan is said to have succeeded and the missionaries managed to buy back twenty boys and return them to their homes. Barnabas Fund said they were also able to film a member of the militant Islamic group Jamaat-ud Daawa (JUD) accepting money for 17 boys.According to Barnabas Fund, Khan, the man who accepted the money, is a senior member of Jamaat-ud Daawa (JUD), an organization linked to Al-Qaeda. The U.S. State Department has declared JUD to be a front for a terrorist group Lashkar-i-Tiba which is banned in both Pakistan and the U.K.Yet JUD is popular in Pakistan for providing free medical care and education for the poor. After last year’s earthquake in Kashmir it was quick to give tents, blankets and food. At its base near Lahore , JUD claims to have created a “pure Islamic environment” that is superior to western “depravity.” The base was reportedly funded by Osama bin Laden in the late 1990s.JUD and Al-Qaeda jointly attempted to assassinate the Pakistani President, Pervez Musharraf, in 2003. JUD's leader, Hafez Muhammad Sayeed, was accused of inciting riots in Pakistan earlier this year in response to the publication of the Danish cartoons of the Islamic prophet Muhammad.Although the evidence against Khan is overwhelming, the police have reportedly indicated that the power of groups such as JUD is too great for them to tackle. So far no investigation has taken place.“The situation is exacerbated by issues of caste and poverty. It is in this context that such horrors can take place,” said Sookhdeo. “I am encouraged that the police did make some efforts in this case, but, as so often happens, they appear now to be intimidated themselves by the weight of the whole Islamist movement in Pakistan . I pray that the exposure of this slave trade to the international community will help bring an end to it.”Jennifer RileyChristian Today Correspondent200 Great Dover StreetLondonSE1 4YBUK .www.christiantoday.com
http://www.livinginblackandwhite.com/profiles/blogs/2133465:BlogPost:5466
This article was sent to me via email but I felt it was worth the time for everyone to read since Pakistan and its neighbors in cooperation with Al-Qaida are in the beginning dance of a regional expansion of war.**************A leading member of a militant Islamic organization based in Pakistan is funding its activities through the sale of Christian children into slavery, according to a Christian persecution watchdog group.A leading member of a militant Islamic organization based in Pakistan is funding its activities through the sale of Christian children into slavery, according to a Christian persecution watchdog group.The militant Islamic organization, Gul Khan, is said to abduct children between the ages of six to twelve from their homes in remote Christian villages in the Punjab and incarcerate them in deplorable conditions until they are sold, report the Barnabas Fund.Children supposedly sold into the sex trade or a life of domestic servitude sell for about US$1,700 each. “The revelation of this horrifying trade in Christian boys to fund Islamic terrorism is an extreme manifestation of the discrimination and oppression of Christians in Pakistan ,” said Dr Patrick Sookhdeo, the International Director of Barnabas Fund.“The classical teachings of Islam on the second class status of non-Muslims (called dhimmi) create an attitude of contempt towards Pakistan ’s Christian minority which is seen in a whole raft of daily discrimination, injustice and humiliation.”According to Barnabas Fund, the children are beaten savagely, only fed once a day and ordered not to talk, play or pray.The group reported that two Christian missionaries – one Pakistani, the other American – helped expose the slave trafficking after seeing photographs of boys for sale on the black market in Quetta , the capital of Baluchistan province.The missionaries reportedly devised an elaborate and risky rescue plan where the Pakistani missionary posed as a Lahore businessman who wanted to buy boys to beg for him. The plan is said to have succeeded and the missionaries managed to buy back twenty boys and return them to their homes. Barnabas Fund said they were also able to film a member of the militant Islamic group Jamaat-ud Daawa (JUD) accepting money for 17 boys.According to Barnabas Fund, Khan, the man who accepted the money, is a senior member of Jamaat-ud Daawa (JUD), an organization linked to Al-Qaeda. The U.S. State Department has declared JUD to be a front for a terrorist group Lashkar-i-Tiba which is banned in both Pakistan and the U.K.Yet JUD is popular in Pakistan for providing free medical care and education for the poor. After last year’s earthquake in Kashmir it was quick to give tents, blankets and food. At its base near Lahore , JUD claims to have created a “pure Islamic environment” that is superior to western “depravity.” The base was reportedly funded by Osama bin Laden in the late 1990s.JUD and Al-Qaeda jointly attempted to assassinate the Pakistani President, Pervez Musharraf, in 2003. JUD's leader, Hafez Muhammad Sayeed, was accused of inciting riots in Pakistan earlier this year in response to the publication of the Danish cartoons of the Islamic prophet Muhammad.Although the evidence against Khan is overwhelming, the police have reportedly indicated that the power of groups such as JUD is too great for them to tackle. So far no investigation has taken place.“The situation is exacerbated by issues of caste and poverty. It is in this context that such horrors can take place,” said Sookhdeo. “I am encouraged that the police did make some efforts in this case, but, as so often happens, they appear now to be intimidated themselves by the weight of the whole Islamist movement in Pakistan . I pray that the exposure of this slave trade to the international community will help bring an end to it.”Jennifer RileyChristian Today Correspondent200 Great Dover StreetLondonSE1 4YBUK .www.christiantoday.com
http://www.livinginblackandwhite.com/profiles/blogs/2133465:BlogPost:5466
Waiting to Laugh 30 Years
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Posted by Bishop Susan Storm Smith
Back in the 80's, I worked for a pediatric psychiatric hospital. It was an experience that dramatically changed my life, and my self-perspective, as well as that of my family and environment. I started to look at everything. That was good news for some and extremely bad news for others. One of my daughters asked me recently if I had to make the choices over again, would I, knowing what I know now. I'm sure we all ask ourselves that question at some point in our adult lives. My answer—yes, my choices would have been exactly the same. I realized that even as an adult that was very difficult to understand.
http://www.livinginblackandwhite.com/profiles/blogs/2133465:BlogPost:5512
Back in the 80's, I worked for a pediatric psychiatric hospital. It was an experience that dramatically changed my life, and my self-perspective, as well as that of my family and environment. I started to look at everything. That was good news for some and extremely bad news for others. One of my daughters asked me recently if I had to make the choices over again, would I, knowing what I know now. I'm sure we all ask ourselves that question at some point in our adult lives. My answer—yes, my choices would have been exactly the same. I realized that even as an adult that was very difficult to understand.
http://www.livinginblackandwhite.com/profiles/blogs/2133465:BlogPost:5512
"token" Messiani
0 commentsOh great I have become not only the "token" Messianic .. but "Token" Canadian .. Oy!I do hope I do not tread on many toes! But if I do chalk it up to insanity (every one else does l o l)So many sites .. hmm maybe I need to join one of those 12 step programs .. B. A. (Bloggers Annon)Be real people ! Any questions ? (Warning ... first American to ask if we still live in Igloos will be sent back to school) ha ha ha ha ha\\\\\\\\luv ya all!Shalom
http://www.livinginblackandwhite.com/profiles/blogs/2133465:BlogPost:5589
In search of a life - chapter 1 - the Revelation
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Posted by Pastor Bruce Marsee
IN SEARCH OF A LIFEChapter 1 – The RevelationStan sat alone on a bench at the bus stop, aimlessly staring at the office park across the street and the parade of cars and people entering the gate. He didn't have to wonder about what their day might be like. He had once worked in a similar environment, but that was years ago.He sat alone, tired from sleepless nights and the memories of past failures, as his mind replayed a long list of regrets. A failed marriage of nearly 20 years, three children who didn't know if he was alive, dead, or in jail. A two-year marriage to a prostitute and cocaine addict that had led him deep into the pit, costing him his house, his job, his friends and family, and his mind. 35 years of addiction had taken its toll, on not only his mind, but his body as well. He felt sick to his stomach, as he considered all that he had lost.What was the answer? Where was the door out? He had tried, within himself, to escape the grip of addiction through countless recovery programs and church meetings; but inevitably he found himself back in the pit, which he had created.He thought to himself how out of place he felt, living among the many homeless addicts who were living on the streets, and sleeping in the woods or under the overpass bridges. Hustling or stealing to support their addiction. Eating what they could steal or find in a dumpster."What am I doing here?" he questioned.His entire life seemed to have the same question. He really never felt that he fit in. In school, he felt socially awkward – reluctant to make close friends, for fear that they would find out just how much out of place he really was. His parents were strict, church going people who insisted on his attending church and being involved in all the church functions. Youth groups, junior choir, Midweek Bible study.He had a passion for the arts, singing and acting; but wasn't allowed to pursue any activity that might interfere with his church attendance. Even in the circle of friends he had at church, he felt out of place. Like a piece of Tupperware sitting on the china-cabinet shelf. Success was not at question, here. He had once been a division manager for a credit card processing company. He had aspired to the level of regional operations manager in a major cable software company. He was a cabinetmaker who had built and installed his cabinetwork in countless buildings, from Boston to Key West. He had an IQ higher than most, and the ability to communicate with people on all levels of society. From corporate executives to slang-speaking street thugs.He tried to remember how he got to where he now was. Searching deep into what was left of his memory, he sought to find the little boy within, who laughed and played and dreamed of pleasant things. He was tired of the nightmares that had left him restless. He was tired of the endless string of lies, that had become a part of who he now was and totally clouded the truth, even from himself."Who was to blame for his current condition?" he wondered.He was alone, even in a crowd of people; he couldn’t shake the feeling of loneliness. He felt unfinished, incomplete; like a piece of unassembled furniture with missing pieces.Could he ever feel whole again? Was this to be the end of his usefulness in life? He had disappointed everyone he ever knew. Could life be any worse? The thought scared him, as he pondered the question.He sought to find refuge in solitude, as he searched for a place where things wouldn't remind him of where he was and what he had now become. But there is no escape from one's self. He remembered something he had heard years before.“The person you really are is who you are when you are all alone."As he searched for the answer, he came to the conclusion that he, alone, was responsible for the life he was now living. The thought of what he had become disgusted him. He had become one of the unloved and unlovable people in today's world.As he sat there, alone, his thoughts returned him to a time when life was safe. A time when he actually felt loved. He searched for his earliest memories of life. He remembered a time when he stood, at twelve years of age, and preached to a group of other children about the three parts of prayer: praise, supplication, and thanks.He remembered being six years old, standing at the park fence; and singing to a neighbor, a song he had sang at church with his parents the previous week. How she had been brought to tears and called him over to reward him with a hug, and a dollar. Times that he had gone to the local nursing homes, with other youth, to just sit and talk to the elderly.He thought of the time when, at seventeen, he had played the part of King Caspar, in the Christmas opera, Amahal and the Night Visitors; and how his father, for the first time, told him how proud he was of him.His thoughts took him to his induction into the Army; and how proud he was to serve his country in the midst of her most unpopular war, Vietnam. A war in which there were no heroes. Only victims.The war left many scars on his life. Not scars visible to the eye, but scars made deep in his heart from things he had seen and experienced. The ugliness of war. He tried as hard as he could to bury the images in the deep recesses of his mind, but they seemed to come out every now and again.He hurt for his comrades in arms who had to face, not only the same ugliness, but had to return to the hostility of public opinion. Having fought in an unknown land for an unknown cause. So many lives wasted. So many mothers and wives left to bury the dead. So many addicts created. So many MIAs. Men who returned with less than they left with. Men who had to leave a part of themselves there. A piece of their innocence, a piece of their minds. Men who returned, in body, but who were still missing in action.It was in Southeast Asia that he had been introduced to drugs. Hating the taste of alcohol, he had turned to drugs to help him block the pain of what he was seeing around him. Something to shunt the fear and cover the pain.He returned from the war addicted to Heroin. He remembered the feeling of detoxing on the plane coming home. It was as if he had left a part of his heart behind. He would look for something to fill the hole, but could find nothing that would erase the memories.Eventually marrying, he had three children that gave him a renewed sense of purpose. He worked hard to provide for them; and spent what time he could, playing with them and enjoying watching them grow. At this time in his life, he had quit doing drugs, except for smoking pot, which he felt was a harmless vise.As his children became school age, he realized that they needed to be taught the moral lessons that he had learned as a child. He started taking them to church and enrolling them in Bible school programs. He would kneel with them, nightly, as they recited their nighttime prayers.It was at one of these times, when praying with his then four-year-old daughter, when something moved in his heart and brought him to uncontrollable tears. He was feeling the Spirit of God speaking to his heart. When his daughter asked why he was crying, he said,I don’t know, honey.”She asked him, “Are you crying because you love Jesus?”“Yes, honey, I’m crying because I love Jesus.”The next words out of her mouth totally stunned him, when she replied,“Well, Daddy, all you have to do is ask Him into your heart.”He knew he had to surrender, but felt that he could never ‘live up’ to what he perceived a Christian to be. One thing was certain; God had a call on his life.Guilty of infidelity, he found himself in a loveless marriage, with a woman who was unable to forgive him or ever trust him again. He continued to attend church with his children. He played the piano for the church choir, although he still smoked pot daily. Somehow he justified his behavior and appealed to the grace of God for daily forgiveness. He wanted to give it up, but just wasn’t able to see the damage it was causing him.His marriage irretrievably broken, he divorced the mother of his children. He moved into an eighteen-foot travel trailer behind the shop where he worked. He lived alone, there, for five years.One Sunday, at church, he met a much younger woman. They struck up a conversation and made a date to go out. He was flattered that someone so young could find him to be attractive. It was she who would introduce him to crack cocaine.As he reviewed his life, and the decisions that directed it, a sense of total defeat overwhelmed him. He could see nothing in his future more than a daily routine of hustling money, buying dope, and feeling like a failure. He was trapped in an endless cycle, which he had created for himself, and could see no possible way out. He resented everything about his life. He hated his addiction. He hated the drugs. He despised the drug dealers.He stood up and, looking into the sky, he questioned God,"Why don't you just kill me and do mankind a favor?"He walked around for hours, weeping like a child. He was sure he had lost his mind. He stood on a bridge overlooking the expressway; and calculated that, if he jumped, he would hit the pavement in less than two seconds. He pondered the actual time required to go from the bridge to the pavement. Based upon what he could remember about math and science, he came to the conclusion that his frustrations in life could be over in 1.4 seconds.He grabbed the railing, preparing to leap; and spoke to God, and said;“I’ll see you in 1.4 seconds."But then he hesitated, as he felt God reply,"You'll give an account for your life. Are you prepared to do that?"He told God that he was tired of his life, as it had become.Again he felt God speak, saying,“OK, jump. But what if you land on a car? And what if there is a family in that car, and they die as a result of you jumping? Are you prepared to answer for their lives?"He cried out to God,"No, Lord! I just want this to be over, and I'd rather die and go to hell than live another day as a slave!"He experienced something he had never experienced in fifty years of life. He heard God's voice say,"Then get off of this bridge!"He had just had a close encounter with a living God. A 'Burning-Bush' experience!Confused and tormented by his addiction, he determined that, if a man was suicidal and could do it, the best thing he could do would be to get around someone who was homicidal. He looked for someone to pick a fight with, in hopes that they would kill him.He tried to start an argument with everyone he met. The only response he heard was,“Get away from that white boy...he's crazy!"No one bothered him; they simply walked away from him.He spent the rest of the night just walking the streets, studying the places that had become 'home' to him. He watched as a group of fellow addicts waited for the dope man to make his last pass through the "trap." He watched them as they all milled around, separated from each other, like wild animals waiting on some prey to die, so that they could be right there to jump on the carcass as soon as it had taken its last breath.He thought to himself,"These people all have one thing in common, and it isn't their addiction. It is that they are all, individually, alone."Addiction is a self-serving spirit, which separates an individual from everything and everyone around them. It draws you into your own world. Your only thoughts are about yourself and how you will be able to satisfy your own needs.This was the first rational thought his mind had processed, since he could remember.Throughout the entire night, he walked and wept and talked to God. Wondering if he would ever regain the sanity he seemed to have lost. Who could he call? Who could possibly understand his overwhelming dilemma? Who could offer him a solution? Who could help him find his way back?He prayed that God would either fix him or kill him.By early morning, tired from the sleepless night, hungry and weary from crying and pleading with God; he decided to call a preacher who had also experienced a battle with crack cocaine, years earlier. This preacher, Frank, was his only remaining link to his former life. He would see Frank from time to time, as the preacher drove through the area where Stan now stayed. Occasionally, the preacher would stop and talk to him and offer a burger and something to drink. The conversation would always end up on church. This only served to make Stan feel bad. For he saw it only as another failure.Frank answered the phone; and, when Stan identified himself, Frank replied,"You'll never guess who called me last night. Your Mother. She asked me to go look for you, out there on the streets. She felt you were in bad trouble. She said that she had been praying for you the past three days."Stan's mother always seemed to know when he was hurting. Even from miles away."She wants you to come home," Frank said.All Stan could do was cry."I need help, Frank" he cried. "I can't take this life anymore. Please come get me, and take me to the VA hospital, so that I can get into some kind of program."Frank instructed him to walk to a restaurant, about a mile from where he was calling. Stan hung up the phone and did as he was instructed. Not looking back, he now walked with purpose. These were the first steps of a journey that would eventually bring him back.He met his friend, Frank, at the Waffle House, a couple of miles from the 'trap.' He had expected to be met with criticism and ridicule, but Frank greeted him with a hug. Ignoring the odor of the streets, which now impregnated his skin and clothing, Frank asked,"Hungry?"Frank already knew the answer."I'm starved!" Stan replied.Frank ordered something for both of them to eat. As they sat there, waiting to be served, his friend talked about the good times they’d had before his addiction had taken him to the depths of the pit.Their order was served; and Frank bowed his head, and gave thanks – not for the food, but for his friend, Stan, being found. Frank wasn't unfamiliar with the struggle that men face when trying to get out of the pit. For he, at one time, had also been addicted.Frank spoke about a time when Stan had taught Sunday school; and how, by sitting in his class, Frank had been empowered to get out of his former life as an addict. Frank had never told Stan about this, and explained that he had always tried to return the kindnesses shown to him when he was an addict. There had always been a strong bond between the two. Stan had never understood, until now, just why Frank would seek him out on the streets, to give him a few days’ work, here and there. Or why Frank would, or should, even care. But he had always welcomed Frank’s visits to the streets.Frank would never give him cash. But he would, instead, pay for a hotel room for a week and buy him groceries.Frank was now a successful businessman with a thriving business. When they had worshiped together, Frank was always there to meet the needs of the church. When the church had its annual Bible School program, he would volunteer to pay for Bible school books, and would pay to furnish each child with a t-shirt as well as pay for the dinners held each night of the Bible school, for all of the kids.Frank would always say,"You can't feed a soul if the body is hungry."He never sought recognition for his acts of kindness, as he did it for God.Frank told Stan that he had always felt that God had a calling on Stan's life. He talked softly about the call of God on a man's life, and explained that God never repents of a call on someone; even if they mess up. Broken in spirit, Stan confessed his weakness and failures to God, and asked Him for forgiveness.After they had finished their meal, Frank suggested that Stan call his mother. He did. She convinced him to return home and seek help there. Even his dad, who surely must have been disappointed in him, asked him to come home. Frank got back on the phone and told Stan's father that he would put him on the next bus to Detroit.The journey had begun.Stan arrived in Detroit after a 16-hour bus ride. He had rehearsed, over and over again in his mind, exactly what he would say to his parents. But as soon as he saw his father waiting in the parking lot of the bus terminal, Stan’s mind went blank. He had planned to explain his behavior with excuses; such as poor friend selection, a bad marriage, and a host of other made-up excuses. It was a fact that Stan had grown tired of lying, so he decided to step up and place the blame squarely where it belonged: on himself.He got into the car, quietly clutching onto his backpack – the only remaining piece of his former life. It contained only two shirts, a pair of jeans, and a change of under-clothes (all stolen from a laundromat), a disposable razor, and a bottle of aftershave that he had gotten in a trade for dope.They then drove toward the house; neither speaking, but both were burning inside to say something. Finally, the silence broke. His father was first to speak."Well, what are your plans now?"His voice was strong and direct. He swallowed hard, and forced the words out. And as calmly as he could, trying not to show his fear, he answered,"I plan to go to the VA hospital and admit myself into their drug rehab program."Again, there was a long period of silence. Then, not looking directly at his father, he said,"Dad, I know that I have embarrassed myself and shamed your name. I know that I can never make up for my actions. But I want to get clean, and I do appreciate what you and Mom are doing to help me.""What your mother and I are willing to do to help you really doesn't matter; it’s only what you are willing to do to help yourself that will make a difference."The words pierced deeply into Stan’s mind. He really thought he had tried to help himself. He had attended 12 step meetings and had talked with drug counselors at the VA; and had even attended church a few times. What more could he do?Just then, he realized that he had only gone through the motions of recovery; never really doing anything for himself. He would have to come up with a new strategy, if he was going to beat his addiction. Right then, he purposed to make positive changes in his character. The first being, never to tell a lie again. People would just have to accept the truth about him, or move on.From that moment forward, things would change. He would no longer have to remember what he had told. The truth will always stay the same, no matter how many times you tell it. A lie will change over and over, again; but the truth will always be the truth.He had come to learn a valuable lesson in this thought. Certainly, he was not the first to come up with this idea of truth. But, no matter what memory cell had delivered it to his consciousness, he was thankful. Perhaps he hadn't completely lost his mind. He was thinking,"God is remolding my mind."Just as He promised in the book of Jeremiah, God was remolding the clay. As long as the clay would remain pliable, He could put it back on the wheel and remove the rocks and imperfections that kept it from being used as a vessel of honor.“Honor.” Now, there was a word he hadn't thought of in a long time! His former life had been filled with such dishonor that he had forgotten the very meaning of the word.Fear gripped him, as he considered what he would have to go through in order to recover from the life he had led. He would have to face all the demons that had ever attached themselves to him. Later on, he would discover this truth:God will never lead you into anything, which he will not also lead you through.Stan contacted the VA, in Detroit, for an appointment. He was asked if detoxing was necessary. It was not, since he had been clean and sober for four days. They set an appointment for a week later.During the time he had to wait, to be assessed, he did very little. It was almost as if he was afraid to move. Afraid that he might do or say something wrong and upset his parents. In his mind, he still replayed the evil and unlawful things he had done while on the streets. People he had taken advantage of. Lies he had told. Houses and businesses he had robbed. Disgusting things he had been a part of, to feed his habit. He was suffering from a serious bout of manic depression.Finally, after four days, his mother came out to the front porch where he was sitting quietly."Son, what's wrong?" she asked.With tears welling up in his eyes, and barely able to speak, he answered her."Mama, I don't know."How could he tell her that he felt like he was going to go crazy?"Son, I can't bear to see you this way."Now she was beginning to cry.“Is everything alright, between you and God?""Yes, Mother. I've prayed and asked for forgiveness. But God seems to be so far from me."She told him about a revival meeting that she had been invited to, and asked him to go with her. He agreed to go with her, despite the fact that he knew he would feel out of place. He couldn't seem to shake off the dirt and get clean enough to get close to people who had been cleansed by God. Nonetheless, he promised to go.After supper, he took a shower, shaved, and put on the new slacks and shirt that his mother had bought for him, earlier that day. He looked all right, he thought, as he looked in the mirror. The four days of rest had done a lot to clear up the dark circles he had under his eyes, when he arrived. The odor of crack cocaine, which had impregnated his skin, was gone.He sat with his mother in the service there, but somehow not there. Disattached, present in body only. He had been raised in church, so he knew how to put on that 'church face.' As the preacher spoke, he quietly prayed that God would fix him. When the altar call was given, Stan asked God to show him, somehow, that he had been accepted and forgiven.The preacher spoke to the crowd, but he felt the words were being spoken only to him. Then the preacher announced,"Someone is here, tonight, who has been struggling with a life-controlling issue. You have asked for forgiveness and God has forgiven you. But you've been suffering with a spirit of depression and a spirit of oppression. You've questioned God. The enemy has almost convinced you that you are a hopeless case, and that you can never be forgiven or made whole again. If that's you, please come now, and let me pray with you."He didn't hesitate. But he got up and went forward. As the preacher laid his hands on him, his mind went absolutely blank. When he came to his senses, he was on his back, underneath a pew. He wasn't sure of what had happened, but one thing was certain. He had felt the touch, the physical touch, of God Almighty! His mind had been touched. He could feel a physical change in his being."It's gone, Mama,” he cried. "I'm free!"The spirits of depression and oppression had left him. These were the first of many demons, which would be released from him.His dad took him to his appointment at the VA hospital. He talked with his dad during the drive to the hospital. They spoke about a newness of life. He assured his dad that, for the first time in years, he felt he was 'on track.' They walked through the huge facility together. For the first time in his life, he felt like a son. He felt the love of a father for his son. He sensed the concern of a father for a suffering child.They waited for his name to be called, to meet with the counselor. He knew that he would have to come clean with his addiction and supply them with all the details. When his name was called, his father told him to go on; that he would wait there for him. He turned to his Father and said,"Dad, come with me."They went in to speak with a counselor. Stan explained how he had come to this point. His father sat there, quietly, hearing for the first time about this son he had raised, who had turned to drugs to fill a void in his life. All the sordid details of his addiction.At the end of the meeting they were asked to go back to the waiting room and await the recommendation for treatment. Knowing that putting his father in a position to have to hear all the sordid details of his life, which he had always taken great pains to keep hidden, must have hurt him deeply. He looked at his father and said,"I'm sorry that you had to hear all that stuff, but I think you have a right to know who and what I am."His father's reply shocked him.“It’s alright, son, everything is going to be alright."After a short time, they were called back into the counselor’s office. From behind a small desk, the counselor said,"We recommend a six-month program. You will attend two 12-step meetings a week, and see a psychiatrist once a month."It seemed less than adequate to him. So Stan asked,"Are you sure that will be sufficient?""Well, you're not currently using; and you obviously have a support system with your parents."They left the hospital. On the way back home, Stan’s father asked him if he felt that he needed a more intense program. He told his Dad that he didn't see how two meetings a week could do much to help him. They agreed to look into a different solution.When they got back home, he called several drug treatment programs, only to find out that the cost was too great without some form of health care insurance. He called the Veteran’s Administration hospital in Atlanta; and, after speaking to a counselor there; Stan was accepted into their long-term program: 100 meetings in 90 days. He would be housed in an apartment with other recovering addicts. He would receive $40 in food stamps per week, and a transit pass so he would be able to get to and from the 12-step meetings. This sounded like a good plan to him.Stan boarded a bus returning him to Atlanta. He went directly to the hospital that sent him to a facility, where he would spend the next 90 days.The facility was an apartment complex on the northwest side of Atlanta. The two-bedroom apartment housed four men, already. He looked around, curiously, trying to figure out just where to set his knapsack down. The House Leader, a recovering heroin addict, told him to put his stuff in the front room."You'll be sleeping on the front porch."It had once been a front porch, but had been enclosed to accommodate another bedroom. There was a small twin bed and a dresser inside."Put your stuff here, in this dresser,” he was instructed. “Here’s a copy of the meeting schedule. Don't be late. And don't ever miss a meeting!"With that, the House Leader disappeared.Stan unpacked his 'life' from his knapsack. He only needed one drawer of the dresser for everything to fit.He was happy to be in a program that could help him figure out how to stay clean. But he stayed anxious, most of the time. As he would travel to and from the meetings, the bus would pass close to many of the areas where he had bought and used drugs. From time to time, he would see people whom he had either bought drugs from, or smoked with. The battle was again raging.He was at the brink of giving up, again, when he called his mother's sister in Kentucky. He spoke with her about where he was, and explained the anxiety he was feeling. She told him,"You need to get out of there, now! I'm sending Jeff [her son] to come get you.""What about my program?" he asked."I've got your program right here!" She exclaimed.He knew she was talking about getting closer to God and letting God take him through recovery."Ok, I'll do it," he resolved.Within eight hours, Stan’s cousin had arrived to take him to the next stop on his search: Southeastern Kentucky.He arrived at the home of his Mom’s sister, late in the night. He was weary from the trip and felt uncertain about his ability to follow the oath he had now chosen. He only knew a few people in the area, and they were all family. In one respect, he felt a sense of security. But something inside of him kept reminding him of past failures to “stay clean.” He whispered a short prayer, asking God to keep him fighting the evil, which had all but destroyed him.Everything here was new to him. Stan was making a new start.“Today is the first day of the rest of your life,” he muttered, silently, to himself.His aunt greeted him at the door; they sat down at the kitchen table, as she explained that his mother had called her and asked her to help him find peace, again. He hadn’t thought about the word “peace” in years. He pondered on exactly what the word meant to him. He remembered how it was used during the Vietnam conflict. How the “hippie movement” had made it their credo.Now, it had a much deeper meaning in his life. He analyzed the word itself. Peace, the absence of war. War, that was a word he understood. Not just physical war, but the war that rages in the minds of men everywhere. How is peace negotiated in the mind? He would find the answer to this question, in time. But this truth is not a truth that man can lead himself into. It would take Godly counsel to understand how to achieve peace in the mind.After a snack of warmed-over supper, Stan’s aunt showed him to his room. He unpacked the few items of clothing in his backpack, and stacked them neatly in the corner of the room, on the floor. His heart was touched by the kindness shown by his aunt and cousin. No one had mentioned his addiction issues. It was as if they didn’t know anything about them. He knew better, but was thankful that they didn’t want to talk about them. He really wasn’t in a position to discuss them. At least, not then. He knelt down at his bedside and prayed, thanking God for rescuing him from himself.The next morning was Sunday. Stan’s aunt was a member of a Pentecostal church, and faithful to attend. She asked if he wanted to go with her. He said,“Okay,” and put on the best he had to wear – a clean pair of black cargo pants, a yellow shirt, and a pair of yellow-and-blue tennis shoes. He felt under-dressed, but he felt that God understood that this was his best.Nervously, he entered the church, where the pastor greeted him with a hug and whispered into his ear,“I know where you’ve been and what you’ve been through. But I’m only concerned with where you and I will go, together.” For the first time in years, he felt a sense of true acceptance. He was starting to believe in himself, again.He continued to attend church and move closer to God. He was emotionally moved by the praise and worship music. Now, more than at any other time in his life, he really knew and understood what to praise God for, and why He was so deserving of that praise.Stan still hadn’t fund gainful employment. He worked at odd jobs for people in the church, and tried to repay his aunt by doing jobs around the house. She always tried to pay him. She knew what it was like to be broke and penniless, and always made sure that he had some cash, even if was only a little.He continued to worship, whenever he attended church services. He was even asked, on occasion to sing. He had testified to the congregation of his miraculous deliverance from the pit of addiction. There were no more secrets, no pretense, and no mask to wear. He wanted only peace, the peace that comes only from God.
http://www.livinginblackandwhite.com/profiles/blogs/2133465:BlogPost:5753
IN SEARCH OF A LIFEChapter 1 – The RevelationStan sat alone on a bench at the bus stop, aimlessly staring at the office park across the street and the parade of cars and people entering the gate. He didn't have to wonder about what their day might be like. He had once worked in a similar environment, but that was years ago.He sat alone, tired from sleepless nights and the memories of past failures, as his mind replayed a long list of regrets. A failed marriage of nearly 20 years, three children who didn't know if he was alive, dead, or in jail. A two-year marriage to a prostitute and cocaine addict that had led him deep into the pit, costing him his house, his job, his friends and family, and his mind. 35 years of addiction had taken its toll, on not only his mind, but his body as well. He felt sick to his stomach, as he considered all that he had lost.What was the answer? Where was the door out? He had tried, within himself, to escape the grip of addiction through countless recovery programs and church meetings; but inevitably he found himself back in the pit, which he had created.He thought to himself how out of place he felt, living among the many homeless addicts who were living on the streets, and sleeping in the woods or under the overpass bridges. Hustling or stealing to support their addiction. Eating what they could steal or find in a dumpster."What am I doing here?" he questioned.His entire life seemed to have the same question. He really never felt that he fit in. In school, he felt socially awkward – reluctant to make close friends, for fear that they would find out just how much out of place he really was. His parents were strict, church going people who insisted on his attending church and being involved in all the church functions. Youth groups, junior choir, Midweek Bible study.He had a passion for the arts, singing and acting; but wasn't allowed to pursue any activity that might interfere with his church attendance. Even in the circle of friends he had at church, he felt out of place. Like a piece of Tupperware sitting on the china-cabinet shelf. Success was not at question, here. He had once been a division manager for a credit card processing company. He had aspired to the level of regional operations manager in a major cable software company. He was a cabinetmaker who had built and installed his cabinetwork in countless buildings, from Boston to Key West. He had an IQ higher than most, and the ability to communicate with people on all levels of society. From corporate executives to slang-speaking street thugs.He tried to remember how he got to where he now was. Searching deep into what was left of his memory, he sought to find the little boy within, who laughed and played and dreamed of pleasant things. He was tired of the nightmares that had left him restless. He was tired of the endless string of lies, that had become a part of who he now was and totally clouded the truth, even from himself."Who was to blame for his current condition?" he wondered.He was alone, even in a crowd of people; he couldn’t shake the feeling of loneliness. He felt unfinished, incomplete; like a piece of unassembled furniture with missing pieces.Could he ever feel whole again? Was this to be the end of his usefulness in life? He had disappointed everyone he ever knew. Could life be any worse? The thought scared him, as he pondered the question.He sought to find refuge in solitude, as he searched for a place where things wouldn't remind him of where he was and what he had now become. But there is no escape from one's self. He remembered something he had heard years before.“The person you really are is who you are when you are all alone."As he searched for the answer, he came to the conclusion that he, alone, was responsible for the life he was now living. The thought of what he had become disgusted him. He had become one of the unloved and unlovable people in today's world.As he sat there, alone, his thoughts returned him to a time when life was safe. A time when he actually felt loved. He searched for his earliest memories of life. He remembered a time when he stood, at twelve years of age, and preached to a group of other children about the three parts of prayer: praise, supplication, and thanks.He remembered being six years old, standing at the park fence; and singing to a neighbor, a song he had sang at church with his parents the previous week. How she had been brought to tears and called him over to reward him with a hug, and a dollar. Times that he had gone to the local nursing homes, with other youth, to just sit and talk to the elderly.He thought of the time when, at seventeen, he had played the part of King Caspar, in the Christmas opera, Amahal and the Night Visitors; and how his father, for the first time, told him how proud he was of him.His thoughts took him to his induction into the Army; and how proud he was to serve his country in the midst of her most unpopular war, Vietnam. A war in which there were no heroes. Only victims.The war left many scars on his life. Not scars visible to the eye, but scars made deep in his heart from things he had seen and experienced. The ugliness of war. He tried as hard as he could to bury the images in the deep recesses of his mind, but they seemed to come out every now and again.He hurt for his comrades in arms who had to face, not only the same ugliness, but had to return to the hostility of public opinion. Having fought in an unknown land for an unknown cause. So many lives wasted. So many mothers and wives left to bury the dead. So many addicts created. So many MIAs. Men who returned with less than they left with. Men who had to leave a part of themselves there. A piece of their innocence, a piece of their minds. Men who returned, in body, but who were still missing in action.It was in Southeast Asia that he had been introduced to drugs. Hating the taste of alcohol, he had turned to drugs to help him block the pain of what he was seeing around him. Something to shunt the fear and cover the pain.He returned from the war addicted to Heroin. He remembered the feeling of detoxing on the plane coming home. It was as if he had left a part of his heart behind. He would look for something to fill the hole, but could find nothing that would erase the memories.Eventually marrying, he had three children that gave him a renewed sense of purpose. He worked hard to provide for them; and spent what time he could, playing with them and enjoying watching them grow. At this time in his life, he had quit doing drugs, except for smoking pot, which he felt was a harmless vise.As his children became school age, he realized that they needed to be taught the moral lessons that he had learned as a child. He started taking them to church and enrolling them in Bible school programs. He would kneel with them, nightly, as they recited their nighttime prayers.It was at one of these times, when praying with his then four-year-old daughter, when something moved in his heart and brought him to uncontrollable tears. He was feeling the Spirit of God speaking to his heart. When his daughter asked why he was crying, he said,I don’t know, honey.”She asked him, “Are you crying because you love Jesus?”“Yes, honey, I’m crying because I love Jesus.”The next words out of her mouth totally stunned him, when she replied,“Well, Daddy, all you have to do is ask Him into your heart.”He knew he had to surrender, but felt that he could never ‘live up’ to what he perceived a Christian to be. One thing was certain; God had a call on his life.Guilty of infidelity, he found himself in a loveless marriage, with a woman who was unable to forgive him or ever trust him again. He continued to attend church with his children. He played the piano for the church choir, although he still smoked pot daily. Somehow he justified his behavior and appealed to the grace of God for daily forgiveness. He wanted to give it up, but just wasn’t able to see the damage it was causing him.His marriage irretrievably broken, he divorced the mother of his children. He moved into an eighteen-foot travel trailer behind the shop where he worked. He lived alone, there, for five years.One Sunday, at church, he met a much younger woman. They struck up a conversation and made a date to go out. He was flattered that someone so young could find him to be attractive. It was she who would introduce him to crack cocaine.As he reviewed his life, and the decisions that directed it, a sense of total defeat overwhelmed him. He could see nothing in his future more than a daily routine of hustling money, buying dope, and feeling like a failure. He was trapped in an endless cycle, which he had created for himself, and could see no possible way out. He resented everything about his life. He hated his addiction. He hated the drugs. He despised the drug dealers.He stood up and, looking into the sky, he questioned God,"Why don't you just kill me and do mankind a favor?"He walked around for hours, weeping like a child. He was sure he had lost his mind. He stood on a bridge overlooking the expressway; and calculated that, if he jumped, he would hit the pavement in less than two seconds. He pondered the actual time required to go from the bridge to the pavement. Based upon what he could remember about math and science, he came to the conclusion that his frustrations in life could be over in 1.4 seconds.He grabbed the railing, preparing to leap; and spoke to God, and said;“I’ll see you in 1.4 seconds."But then he hesitated, as he felt God reply,"You'll give an account for your life. Are you prepared to do that?"He told God that he was tired of his life, as it had become.Again he felt God speak, saying,“OK, jump. But what if you land on a car? And what if there is a family in that car, and they die as a result of you jumping? Are you prepared to answer for their lives?"He cried out to God,"No, Lord! I just want this to be over, and I'd rather die and go to hell than live another day as a slave!"He experienced something he had never experienced in fifty years of life. He heard God's voice say,"Then get off of this bridge!"He had just had a close encounter with a living God. A 'Burning-Bush' experience!Confused and tormented by his addiction, he determined that, if a man was suicidal and could do it, the best thing he could do would be to get around someone who was homicidal. He looked for someone to pick a fight with, in hopes that they would kill him.He tried to start an argument with everyone he met. The only response he heard was,“Get away from that white boy...he's crazy!"No one bothered him; they simply walked away from him.He spent the rest of the night just walking the streets, studying the places that had become 'home' to him. He watched as a group of fellow addicts waited for the dope man to make his last pass through the "trap." He watched them as they all milled around, separated from each other, like wild animals waiting on some prey to die, so that they could be right there to jump on the carcass as soon as it had taken its last breath.He thought to himself,"These people all have one thing in common, and it isn't their addiction. It is that they are all, individually, alone."Addiction is a self-serving spirit, which separates an individual from everything and everyone around them. It draws you into your own world. Your only thoughts are about yourself and how you will be able to satisfy your own needs.This was the first rational thought his mind had processed, since he could remember.Throughout the entire night, he walked and wept and talked to God. Wondering if he would ever regain the sanity he seemed to have lost. Who could he call? Who could possibly understand his overwhelming dilemma? Who could offer him a solution? Who could help him find his way back?He prayed that God would either fix him or kill him.By early morning, tired from the sleepless night, hungry and weary from crying and pleading with God; he decided to call a preacher who had also experienced a battle with crack cocaine, years earlier. This preacher, Frank, was his only remaining link to his former life. He would see Frank from time to time, as the preacher drove through the area where Stan now stayed. Occasionally, the preacher would stop and talk to him and offer a burger and something to drink. The conversation would always end up on church. This only served to make Stan feel bad. For he saw it only as another failure.Frank answered the phone; and, when Stan identified himself, Frank replied,"You'll never guess who called me last night. Your Mother. She asked me to go look for you, out there on the streets. She felt you were in bad trouble. She said that she had been praying for you the past three days."Stan's mother always seemed to know when he was hurting. Even from miles away."She wants you to come home," Frank said.All Stan could do was cry."I need help, Frank" he cried. "I can't take this life anymore. Please come get me, and take me to the VA hospital, so that I can get into some kind of program."Frank instructed him to walk to a restaurant, about a mile from where he was calling. Stan hung up the phone and did as he was instructed. Not looking back, he now walked with purpose. These were the first steps of a journey that would eventually bring him back.He met his friend, Frank, at the Waffle House, a couple of miles from the 'trap.' He had expected to be met with criticism and ridicule, but Frank greeted him with a hug. Ignoring the odor of the streets, which now impregnated his skin and clothing, Frank asked,"Hungry?"Frank already knew the answer."I'm starved!" Stan replied.Frank ordered something for both of them to eat. As they sat there, waiting to be served, his friend talked about the good times they’d had before his addiction had taken him to the depths of the pit.Their order was served; and Frank bowed his head, and gave thanks – not for the food, but for his friend, Stan, being found. Frank wasn't unfamiliar with the struggle that men face when trying to get out of the pit. For he, at one time, had also been addicted.Frank spoke about a time when Stan had taught Sunday school; and how, by sitting in his class, Frank had been empowered to get out of his former life as an addict. Frank had never told Stan about this, and explained that he had always tried to return the kindnesses shown to him when he was an addict. There had always been a strong bond between the two. Stan had never understood, until now, just why Frank would seek him out on the streets, to give him a few days’ work, here and there. Or why Frank would, or should, even care. But he had always welcomed Frank’s visits to the streets.Frank would never give him cash. But he would, instead, pay for a hotel room for a week and buy him groceries.Frank was now a successful businessman with a thriving business. When they had worshiped together, Frank was always there to meet the needs of the church. When the church had its annual Bible School program, he would volunteer to pay for Bible school books, and would pay to furnish each child with a t-shirt as well as pay for the dinners held each night of the Bible school, for all of the kids.Frank would always say,"You can't feed a soul if the body is hungry."He never sought recognition for his acts of kindness, as he did it for God.Frank told Stan that he had always felt that God had a calling on Stan's life. He talked softly about the call of God on a man's life, and explained that God never repents of a call on someone; even if they mess up. Broken in spirit, Stan confessed his weakness and failures to God, and asked Him for forgiveness.After they had finished their meal, Frank suggested that Stan call his mother. He did. She convinced him to return home and seek help there. Even his dad, who surely must have been disappointed in him, asked him to come home. Frank got back on the phone and told Stan's father that he would put him on the next bus to Detroit.The journey had begun.Stan arrived in Detroit after a 16-hour bus ride. He had rehearsed, over and over again in his mind, exactly what he would say to his parents. But as soon as he saw his father waiting in the parking lot of the bus terminal, Stan’s mind went blank. He had planned to explain his behavior with excuses; such as poor friend selection, a bad marriage, and a host of other made-up excuses. It was a fact that Stan had grown tired of lying, so he decided to step up and place the blame squarely where it belonged: on himself.He got into the car, quietly clutching onto his backpack – the only remaining piece of his former life. It contained only two shirts, a pair of jeans, and a change of under-clothes (all stolen from a laundromat), a disposable razor, and a bottle of aftershave that he had gotten in a trade for dope.They then drove toward the house; neither speaking, but both were burning inside to say something. Finally, the silence broke. His father was first to speak."Well, what are your plans now?"His voice was strong and direct. He swallowed hard, and forced the words out. And as calmly as he could, trying not to show his fear, he answered,"I plan to go to the VA hospital and admit myself into their drug rehab program."Again, there was a long period of silence. Then, not looking directly at his father, he said,"Dad, I know that I have embarrassed myself and shamed your name. I know that I can never make up for my actions. But I want to get clean, and I do appreciate what you and Mom are doing to help me.""What your mother and I are willing to do to help you really doesn't matter; it’s only what you are willing to do to help yourself that will make a difference."The words pierced deeply into Stan’s mind. He really thought he had tried to help himself. He had attended 12 step meetings and had talked with drug counselors at the VA; and had even attended church a few times. What more could he do?Just then, he realized that he had only gone through the motions of recovery; never really doing anything for himself. He would have to come up with a new strategy, if he was going to beat his addiction. Right then, he purposed to make positive changes in his character. The first being, never to tell a lie again. People would just have to accept the truth about him, or move on.From that moment forward, things would change. He would no longer have to remember what he had told. The truth will always stay the same, no matter how many times you tell it. A lie will change over and over, again; but the truth will always be the truth.He had come to learn a valuable lesson in this thought. Certainly, he was not the first to come up with this idea of truth. But, no matter what memory cell had delivered it to his consciousness, he was thankful. Perhaps he hadn't completely lost his mind. He was thinking,"God is remolding my mind."Just as He promised in the book of Jeremiah, God was remolding the clay. As long as the clay would remain pliable, He could put it back on the wheel and remove the rocks and imperfections that kept it from being used as a vessel of honor.“Honor.” Now, there was a word he hadn't thought of in a long time! His former life had been filled with such dishonor that he had forgotten the very meaning of the word.Fear gripped him, as he considered what he would have to go through in order to recover from the life he had led. He would have to face all the demons that had ever attached themselves to him. Later on, he would discover this truth:God will never lead you into anything, which he will not also lead you through.Stan contacted the VA, in Detroit, for an appointment. He was asked if detoxing was necessary. It was not, since he had been clean and sober for four days. They set an appointment for a week later.During the time he had to wait, to be assessed, he did very little. It was almost as if he was afraid to move. Afraid that he might do or say something wrong and upset his parents. In his mind, he still replayed the evil and unlawful things he had done while on the streets. People he had taken advantage of. Lies he had told. Houses and businesses he had robbed. Disgusting things he had been a part of, to feed his habit. He was suffering from a serious bout of manic depression.Finally, after four days, his mother came out to the front porch where he was sitting quietly."Son, what's wrong?" she asked.With tears welling up in his eyes, and barely able to speak, he answered her."Mama, I don't know."How could he tell her that he felt like he was going to go crazy?"Son, I can't bear to see you this way."Now she was beginning to cry.“Is everything alright, between you and God?""Yes, Mother. I've prayed and asked for forgiveness. But God seems to be so far from me."She told him about a revival meeting that she had been invited to, and asked him to go with her. He agreed to go with her, despite the fact that he knew he would feel out of place. He couldn't seem to shake off the dirt and get clean enough to get close to people who had been cleansed by God. Nonetheless, he promised to go.After supper, he took a shower, shaved, and put on the new slacks and shirt that his mother had bought for him, earlier that day. He looked all right, he thought, as he looked in the mirror. The four days of rest had done a lot to clear up the dark circles he had under his eyes, when he arrived. The odor of crack cocaine, which had impregnated his skin, was gone.He sat with his mother in the service there, but somehow not there. Disattached, present in body only. He had been raised in church, so he knew how to put on that 'church face.' As the preacher spoke, he quietly prayed that God would fix him. When the altar call was given, Stan asked God to show him, somehow, that he had been accepted and forgiven.The preacher spoke to the crowd, but he felt the words were being spoken only to him. Then the preacher announced,"Someone is here, tonight, who has been struggling with a life-controlling issue. You have asked for forgiveness and God has forgiven you. But you've been suffering with a spirit of depression and a spirit of oppression. You've questioned God. The enemy has almost convinced you that you are a hopeless case, and that you can never be forgiven or made whole again. If that's you, please come now, and let me pray with you."He didn't hesitate. But he got up and went forward. As the preacher laid his hands on him, his mind went absolutely blank. When he came to his senses, he was on his back, underneath a pew. He wasn't sure of what had happened, but one thing was certain. He had felt the touch, the physical touch, of God Almighty! His mind had been touched. He could feel a physical change in his being."It's gone, Mama,” he cried. "I'm free!"The spirits of depression and oppression had left him. These were the first of many demons, which would be released from him.His dad took him to his appointment at the VA hospital. He talked with his dad during the drive to the hospital. They spoke about a newness of life. He assured his dad that, for the first time in years, he felt he was 'on track.' They walked through the huge facility together. For the first time in his life, he felt like a son. He felt the love of a father for his son. He sensed the concern of a father for a suffering child.They waited for his name to be called, to meet with the counselor. He knew that he would have to come clean with his addiction and supply them with all the details. When his name was called, his father told him to go on; that he would wait there for him. He turned to his Father and said,"Dad, come with me."They went in to speak with a counselor. Stan explained how he had come to this point. His father sat there, quietly, hearing for the first time about this son he had raised, who had turned to drugs to fill a void in his life. All the sordid details of his addiction.At the end of the meeting they were asked to go back to the waiting room and await the recommendation for treatment. Knowing that putting his father in a position to have to hear all the sordid details of his life, which he had always taken great pains to keep hidden, must have hurt him deeply. He looked at his father and said,"I'm sorry that you had to hear all that stuff, but I think you have a right to know who and what I am."His father's reply shocked him.“It’s alright, son, everything is going to be alright."After a short time, they were called back into the counselor’s office. From behind a small desk, the counselor said,"We recommend a six-month program. You will attend two 12-step meetings a week, and see a psychiatrist once a month."It seemed less than adequate to him. So Stan asked,"Are you sure that will be sufficient?""Well, you're not currently using; and you obviously have a support system with your parents."They left the hospital. On the way back home, Stan’s father asked him if he felt that he needed a more intense program. He told his Dad that he didn't see how two meetings a week could do much to help him. They agreed to look into a different solution.When they got back home, he called several drug treatment programs, only to find out that the cost was too great without some form of health care insurance. He called the Veteran’s Administration hospital in Atlanta; and, after speaking to a counselor there; Stan was accepted into their long-term program: 100 meetings in 90 days. He would be housed in an apartment with other recovering addicts. He would receive $40 in food stamps per week, and a transit pass so he would be able to get to and from the 12-step meetings. This sounded like a good plan to him.Stan boarded a bus returning him to Atlanta. He went directly to the hospital that sent him to a facility, where he would spend the next 90 days.The facility was an apartment complex on the northwest side of Atlanta. The two-bedroom apartment housed four men, already. He looked around, curiously, trying to figure out just where to set his knapsack down. The House Leader, a recovering heroin addict, told him to put his stuff in the front room."You'll be sleeping on the front porch."It had once been a front porch, but had been enclosed to accommodate another bedroom. There was a small twin bed and a dresser inside."Put your stuff here, in this dresser,” he was instructed. “Here’s a copy of the meeting schedule. Don't be late. And don't ever miss a meeting!"With that, the House Leader disappeared.Stan unpacked his 'life' from his knapsack. He only needed one drawer of the dresser for everything to fit.He was happy to be in a program that could help him figure out how to stay clean. But he stayed anxious, most of the time. As he would travel to and from the meetings, the bus would pass close to many of the areas where he had bought and used drugs. From time to time, he would see people whom he had either bought drugs from, or smoked with. The battle was again raging.He was at the brink of giving up, again, when he called his mother's sister in Kentucky. He spoke with her about where he was, and explained the anxiety he was feeling. She told him,"You need to get out of there, now! I'm sending Jeff [her son] to come get you.""What about my program?" he asked."I've got your program right here!" She exclaimed.He knew she was talking about getting closer to God and letting God take him through recovery."Ok, I'll do it," he resolved.Within eight hours, Stan’s cousin had arrived to take him to the next stop on his search: Southeastern Kentucky.He arrived at the home of his Mom’s sister, late in the night. He was weary from the trip and felt uncertain about his ability to follow the oath he had now chosen. He only knew a few people in the area, and they were all family. In one respect, he felt a sense of security. But something inside of him kept reminding him of past failures to “stay clean.” He whispered a short prayer, asking God to keep him fighting the evil, which had all but destroyed him.Everything here was new to him. Stan was making a new start.“Today is the first day of the rest of your life,” he muttered, silently, to himself.His aunt greeted him at the door; they sat down at the kitchen table, as she explained that his mother had called her and asked her to help him find peace, again. He hadn’t thought about the word “peace” in years. He pondered on exactly what the word meant to him. He remembered how it was used during the Vietnam conflict. How the “hippie movement” had made it their credo.Now, it had a much deeper meaning in his life. He analyzed the word itself. Peace, the absence of war. War, that was a word he understood. Not just physical war, but the war that rages in the minds of men everywhere. How is peace negotiated in the mind? He would find the answer to this question, in time. But this truth is not a truth that man can lead himself into. It would take Godly counsel to understand how to achieve peace in the mind.After a snack of warmed-over supper, Stan’s aunt showed him to his room. He unpacked the few items of clothing in his backpack, and stacked them neatly in the corner of the room, on the floor. His heart was touched by the kindness shown by his aunt and cousin. No one had mentioned his addiction issues. It was as if they didn’t know anything about them. He knew better, but was thankful that they didn’t want to talk about them. He really wasn’t in a position to discuss them. At least, not then. He knelt down at his bedside and prayed, thanking God for rescuing him from himself.The next morning was Sunday. Stan’s aunt was a member of a Pentecostal church, and faithful to attend. She asked if he wanted to go with her. He said,“Okay,” and put on the best he had to wear – a clean pair of black cargo pants, a yellow shirt, and a pair of yellow-and-blue tennis shoes. He felt under-dressed, but he felt that God understood that this was his best.Nervously, he entered the church, where the pastor greeted him with a hug and whispered into his ear,“I know where you’ve been and what you’ve been through. But I’m only concerned with where you and I will go, together.” For the first time in years, he felt a sense of true acceptance. He was starting to believe in himself, again.He continued to attend church and move closer to God. He was emotionally moved by the praise and worship music. Now, more than at any other time in his life, he really knew and understood what to praise God for, and why He was so deserving of that praise.Stan still hadn’t fund gainful employment. He worked at odd jobs for people in the church, and tried to repay his aunt by doing jobs around the house. She always tried to pay him. She knew what it was like to be broke and penniless, and always made sure that he had some cash, even if was only a little.He continued to worship, whenever he attended church services. He was even asked, on occasion to sing. He had testified to the congregation of his miraculous deliverance from the pit of addiction. There were no more secrets, no pretense, and no mask to wear. He wanted only peace, the peace that comes only from God.
http://www.livinginblackandwhite.com/profiles/blogs/2133465:BlogPost:5753
In search of a Life - Chapter 3 – The Application
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Posted by Pastor Bruce Marsee
In search of a Life - Chapter 3 – The ApplicationOne day, Lisa expressed that God was dealing with her about going into the ministry. Bruce responded that,“God has been dealing with me, too.”They came to find out that God was calling them both. Bruce and Lisa prayed for days about this, and were still unsure that it was God who was calling them. They went to see the senior pastor of their church. Pastor Smith of Harvest Community Church AG.Pastor Smith had this to say to Bruce.“Don’t preach, unless you have to.”Bruce told him that it was like a fire shut up in his bones – that, if he didn’t preach, he would explode! He had already been doing some preaching at the County jail.Then, at one point, Pastor Smith turned to Lisa and asked her,“How committed are you?”Lisa answered Pastor Smith by telling him that she would quit her job tomorrow, in order to answer God’s call.There were still doubts in Bruce’s mind concerning the call to preach. He wrestled with the idea for weeks until while attending a woman’s conference at his church, he heard a lady minister named Reva speak. She had an altar call and asked the women to come forward for prayer. She asked the men who were present to assist her by standing behind those who had come forward. As she made her way down the long line of women, laying hands on them, she reached through the women and laid her hand on Bruce’s head and said two words…”Live Preacher!” Bruce felt literal fire run through his body from his head down to his toes… The next thing he remembered was getting up from the floor. There was no more doubt as to the call on his life.And, so, they agreed that she would go ahead and quit her job. When she did, they embarked on a new and long journey, togetherThey followed God, living by faith alone. They had no jobs, and no income. They had only a fervent desire to see the helpless and hopeless addicts come to Christ, through their love and acceptance, and through their counseling, of the addicts, to help them become rehabilitated to a new and responsible place in society. Some, for the first time in their adult lives.They started working with the Circuit Court Judge, in a neighboring county, by asking for an early release of an inmate there. At first, the Judge refused. But they kept going back to see him with their request.Finally, the Judge decided to grant their wish. And at that time, he also added,“My daughter is on drugs. Can you help her, too?”They agreed to help; and so, through Bruce and Lisa’s faithful prayers and counseling, the Judge’s daughter was delivered from her addiction.For three long years, they studied spiritual warfare and drug counseling. Reading everything they could find on the subject. . It was during this time of training that Bruce met Leonard. Leonard was a county social worker, as well as a pastor with many years of experience in both drug counseling and spiritual warfare.Bruce went to Pastor Leonard’s office and asked Leonard to be his mentor. They spoke at length about Bruce’s desire. And Pastor Leonard agreed that he would help Bruce learn whatever he needed to know, in order to become an effective drug counselor. He asked Bruce if he had ever been through drug counseling himself.Bruce replied,“I have been through several secular programs, but they didn’t work.”Then Pastor Leonard asked a question that Bruce was not quite prepared for. He asked,“Will you go through a drug counseling program with me?”And so their Mentor/Pupil relationship began. Pastor Leonard would have a topic for them to discuss, but he would first pray with Bruce, asking the Holy Spirit to prompt one of them onto a different subject.For months, they met together; as Pastor Leonard would, through the Holy Spirit, bring up different subjects that made Bruce re-live some of his worst life experiences.He would say,“When you went through this experience for the first time, you didn’t see Jesus there with you. This time, as we go through the experience, I want you to see Jesus there, also.”It was a powerful method of recovery counseling! As Bruce re-lived each painful experience, the wounds of those experiences would open up, again. Like the wounds left from an images of the war, now deeply imprinted in his mind, the loss of a high school sweetheart, bitter divorce and a failed remarriage. The loss of all he had ever worked for. However, Jesus Christ, Himself, would clean out all the dirt and debris that kept those experiences a cause of pain. Then, Christ bound the wounds with His healing balm. And, when the bandages were removed, no scars were left.Pastor Leonard made a lasting impression on Bruce. Leonard was a humble servant who could discern spirits, and he could help identify the tactics of the Enemy. On one occasion Leonard showed Bruce that there was still an unforgiving spirit of bitterness still holding on to the past pains. They prayed for Bruce to be able to forgive those people who had hurt him, while at the same time, ask for forgiveness for all those people he had hurt.Leonard also recommended that Bruce read two books written by Jim Logan. One book was entitled, “Reclaiming Surrendered Ground.” And the other book was “The Great Deceiver.” These two books proved to be a valuable asset. They explained how we process thoughts from three sources. Thoughts of an original nature, thoughts from God, and thoughts from evil spirits.An example was given…Jim Logan was asked to explain this though process issue to a group of people…He approached a man in the front row and said “Ball up your fist as tight as you can” the man did as instructed…Then Jim said “Go hit the pastor right in the nose” The man said “No!, I won’t”…Jim asked “You won’t what?”… “I won’t hit the pastor on the nose.” Jim replied ”Hit the pastor on the nose?...what kind of person are you to do that?”…The man responded.”You put that thought in my head”This is what Satan does to us…He puts a thought in our head and then accuses us before God with that very thought.Bruce studied hard and applied what he had learned -- first to his own household, then to his counseling method. As people would share with him there fears or frustrations, Bruce would look to see from where the thoughts were coming. He would simply allow the individual to see the same thing and rebuke the thoughts of the enemy.Bruce would read everything he could get his hands on. He would read sermons, and try to understand how to glean just a word or an idea from the scripture, and then build a sermon upon it. It required long sleepless nights communing with the Holy Spirit. Times of lying on the floor weeping before God. The Holy Spirit would fill his mind as he would write. Many of the sermons he wrote have never been preached; perhaps they were intended just for him.Before long he was being asked to speak at other churches while, at the same time, was being used of God at Solid Rock where he attended regularly. His pastor there, Pastor Pete, would have him preach there often.Once Bruce graduated from their discipleship training from Pastor Leonard and Pastor Ronnie, He and Lisa opened their home to first-time offenders who had no record of violence.God watched over them and provided for their needs. Bruce relates that,“To this day, I don’t know how the bills got paid each month. But they did.”One month, they were looking at bills which were two months behind; the mortgage company was ready to begin the eviction process. They prayed and trusted God. One day before the eviction process was to begin; they received a check in the mail for enough to get all their bills current.Another time, while struggling to figure out how they would pay their bills Bruce’s dad called and said that he had helped Bruce’s other two brothers and would be sending him a check also.God gave Bruce and Lisa many successes. But they also had many disappointments.One success was a young man and his wife who had become strung out on drugs, they were about to lose everything and split up, They had two lovely boys. As Bruce counseled with the man, Lisa talked to the wife. They committed their lives to Christ, that day. Today, he is a Deacon in the church and she is still on fire for God.Not every story was a success, one young man named Chris stayed with them in the program for 8 months, and he began to feel strong, in himself, and chose to try life on his own. He was ok for a few weeks but the influences surrounding him were too overwhelming. He ended back in jail. He wrote Bruce and Lisa to say how sorry he was to have disappointed them, but he still remembered what he had been taught while in their careSome of the men returned to their former life styles. And, from time to time, they would receive a letter from someone who was back in jail, who was telling them that he had remembered what he was taught while in their program.More than once , they were left with a large bill to pay because of an intake taking advantage of their meekness. All too often meekness is mistaken for weakness. They never evil for evil, but allowed God to move in their behalfMeanwhile, Bruce was preaching more and more.Bruce had been given the opportunity to preach a various churches. He preached at the largest church in the area. He also preached at one of the smallest. It didn’t matter to him where he preached, if someone opened their pulpit, he would go.He would preach at the County Jail on Tuesdays. One particular Tuesday, when he arrived at the jail, he noticed a large hole dug in the lawn next to the jail building. He signed in and asked if they were planting a tree that day. He was told that one of the Police canines had been shot in the line of duty and was to be buried that day.Bruce’s first thought was that they were going to ask him to preach the dog’s funeral. He quickly went to the meeting room where the service was to be held. Trying, his best, not to be seen by anyone. As soon as the service was over, Bruce signed out and avoided eye contact with anyone. By now the lobby was filling up with officers who had come for the burial of the dog. He quickly made his way to his car and drove off.All the while the Holy Spirit was dealing with him about not staying. He spoke to God and said “Lord, how could I preach a dog’s funeral? What could I say? He was a good dog? He was a brown dog? He’s certainly a dead dog.” God’s spoke back to his spirit and said ‘You could have told them that this dog was faithful to his master, that he was always ready to protect his master, that he was willing to lay down his life for his master. Then you could have told them how the master laid down his life for a dog like you”A missed opportunity to share the word of truth. Bruce felt sick to his stomach for making excuses not to share God’s word. He promised the lord that he would be more conscience in the future. His philosophy became this… Any conversation is an opportunity to share Jesus with the world.His pastor, at that time, Pete Craig, had him preaching regularly at his church. One Sunday morning as Bruce arrived at church, Pastor Pete asked him, ”Do you know who’s preaching today?” Bruce looked across the congregation and recognized Pete’s former pastor and he asked Pete “Your old pastor?” Pastor Pete looked Bruce in the eye and said “No, you are. Are you ready?” Bruce looked back at Pastor Pete and said “I’m like Quaker oats, instant in season and out of season” He stood and preached one of the most powerful messages he had ever preached.On a regular basis, Bruce was sharing his personal testimony of how God had delivered him from the bonds of addiction. Then, in 2007, Bruce was ordained after 4 years of preaching. He was ordained by Pastor Pete Craig at the Solid Rock House of Worship in Barbourville, Kentucky. The church is an independent Pentecostal church.The ordination was a surprise to Bruce. His mother was in town and his aunt attended the service that day. His mother, who had prayed so urgently for his soul lived long enough to see her once wayward son presented to the Lord for service.BruceTestimonyCh3
http://www.livinginblackandwhite.com/profiles/blogs/2133465:BlogPost:5759
In search of a Life - Chapter 3 – The ApplicationOne day, Lisa expressed that God was dealing with her about going into the ministry. Bruce responded that,“God has been dealing with me, too.”They came to find out that God was calling them both. Bruce and Lisa prayed for days about this, and were still unsure that it was God who was calling them. They went to see the senior pastor of their church. Pastor Smith of Harvest Community Church AG.Pastor Smith had this to say to Bruce.“Don’t preach, unless you have to.”Bruce told him that it was like a fire shut up in his bones – that, if he didn’t preach, he would explode! He had already been doing some preaching at the County jail.Then, at one point, Pastor Smith turned to Lisa and asked her,“How committed are you?”Lisa answered Pastor Smith by telling him that she would quit her job tomorrow, in order to answer God’s call.There were still doubts in Bruce’s mind concerning the call to preach. He wrestled with the idea for weeks until while attending a woman’s conference at his church, he heard a lady minister named Reva speak. She had an altar call and asked the women to come forward for prayer. She asked the men who were present to assist her by standing behind those who had come forward. As she made her way down the long line of women, laying hands on them, she reached through the women and laid her hand on Bruce’s head and said two words…”Live Preacher!” Bruce felt literal fire run through his body from his head down to his toes… The next thing he remembered was getting up from the floor. There was no more doubt as to the call on his life.And, so, they agreed that she would go ahead and quit her job. When she did, they embarked on a new and long journey, togetherThey followed God, living by faith alone. They had no jobs, and no income. They had only a fervent desire to see the helpless and hopeless addicts come to Christ, through their love and acceptance, and through their counseling, of the addicts, to help them become rehabilitated to a new and responsible place in society. Some, for the first time in their adult lives.They started working with the Circuit Court Judge, in a neighboring county, by asking for an early release of an inmate there. At first, the Judge refused. But they kept going back to see him with their request.Finally, the Judge decided to grant their wish. And at that time, he also added,“My daughter is on drugs. Can you help her, too?”They agreed to help; and so, through Bruce and Lisa’s faithful prayers and counseling, the Judge’s daughter was delivered from her addiction.For three long years, they studied spiritual warfare and drug counseling. Reading everything they could find on the subject. . It was during this time of training that Bruce met Leonard. Leonard was a county social worker, as well as a pastor with many years of experience in both drug counseling and spiritual warfare.Bruce went to Pastor Leonard’s office and asked Leonard to be his mentor. They spoke at length about Bruce’s desire. And Pastor Leonard agreed that he would help Bruce learn whatever he needed to know, in order to become an effective drug counselor. He asked Bruce if he had ever been through drug counseling himself.Bruce replied,“I have been through several secular programs, but they didn’t work.”Then Pastor Leonard asked a question that Bruce was not quite prepared for. He asked,“Will you go through a drug counseling program with me?”And so their Mentor/Pupil relationship began. Pastor Leonard would have a topic for them to discuss, but he would first pray with Bruce, asking the Holy Spirit to prompt one of them onto a different subject.For months, they met together; as Pastor Leonard would, through the Holy Spirit, bring up different subjects that made Bruce re-live some of his worst life experiences.He would say,“When you went through this experience for the first time, you didn’t see Jesus there with you. This time, as we go through the experience, I want you to see Jesus there, also.”It was a powerful method of recovery counseling! As Bruce re-lived each painful experience, the wounds of those experiences would open up, again. Like the wounds left from an images of the war, now deeply imprinted in his mind, the loss of a high school sweetheart, bitter divorce and a failed remarriage. The loss of all he had ever worked for. However, Jesus Christ, Himself, would clean out all the dirt and debris that kept those experiences a cause of pain. Then, Christ bound the wounds with His healing balm. And, when the bandages were removed, no scars were left.Pastor Leonard made a lasting impression on Bruce. Leonard was a humble servant who could discern spirits, and he could help identify the tactics of the Enemy. On one occasion Leonard showed Bruce that there was still an unforgiving spirit of bitterness still holding on to the past pains. They prayed for Bruce to be able to forgive those people who had hurt him, while at the same time, ask for forgiveness for all those people he had hurt.Leonard also recommended that Bruce read two books written by Jim Logan. One book was entitled, “Reclaiming Surrendered Ground.” And the other book was “The Great Deceiver.” These two books proved to be a valuable asset. They explained how we process thoughts from three sources. Thoughts of an original nature, thoughts from God, and thoughts from evil spirits.An example was given…Jim Logan was asked to explain this though process issue to a group of people…He approached a man in the front row and said “Ball up your fist as tight as you can” the man did as instructed…Then Jim said “Go hit the pastor right in the nose” The man said “No!, I won’t”…Jim asked “You won’t what?”… “I won’t hit the pastor on the nose.” Jim replied ”Hit the pastor on the nose?...what kind of person are you to do that?”…The man responded.”You put that thought in my head”This is what Satan does to us…He puts a thought in our head and then accuses us before God with that very thought.Bruce studied hard and applied what he had learned -- first to his own household, then to his counseling method. As people would share with him there fears or frustrations, Bruce would look to see from where the thoughts were coming. He would simply allow the individual to see the same thing and rebuke the thoughts of the enemy.Bruce would read everything he could get his hands on. He would read sermons, and try to understand how to glean just a word or an idea from the scripture, and then build a sermon upon it. It required long sleepless nights communing with the Holy Spirit. Times of lying on the floor weeping before God. The Holy Spirit would fill his mind as he would write. Many of the sermons he wrote have never been preached; perhaps they were intended just for him.Before long he was being asked to speak at other churches while, at the same time, was being used of God at Solid Rock where he attended regularly. His pastor there, Pastor Pete, would have him preach there often.Once Bruce graduated from their discipleship training from Pastor Leonard and Pastor Ronnie, He and Lisa opened their home to first-time offenders who had no record of violence.God watched over them and provided for their needs. Bruce relates that,“To this day, I don’t know how the bills got paid each month. But they did.”One month, they were looking at bills which were two months behind; the mortgage company was ready to begin the eviction process. They prayed and trusted God. One day before the eviction process was to begin; they received a check in the mail for enough to get all their bills current.Another time, while struggling to figure out how they would pay their bills Bruce’s dad called and said that he had helped Bruce’s other two brothers and would be sending him a check also.God gave Bruce and Lisa many successes. But they also had many disappointments.One success was a young man and his wife who had become strung out on drugs, they were about to lose everything and split up, They had two lovely boys. As Bruce counseled with the man, Lisa talked to the wife. They committed their lives to Christ, that day. Today, he is a Deacon in the church and she is still on fire for God.Not every story was a success, one young man named Chris stayed with them in the program for 8 months, and he began to feel strong, in himself, and chose to try life on his own. He was ok for a few weeks but the influences surrounding him were too overwhelming. He ended back in jail. He wrote Bruce and Lisa to say how sorry he was to have disappointed them, but he still remembered what he had been taught while in their careSome of the men returned to their former life styles. And, from time to time, they would receive a letter from someone who was back in jail, who was telling them that he had remembered what he was taught while in their program.More than once , they were left with a large bill to pay because of an intake taking advantage of their meekness. All too often meekness is mistaken for weakness. They never evil for evil, but allowed God to move in their behalfMeanwhile, Bruce was preaching more and more.Bruce had been given the opportunity to preach a various churches. He preached at the largest church in the area. He also preached at one of the smallest. It didn’t matter to him where he preached, if someone opened their pulpit, he would go.He would preach at the County Jail on Tuesdays. One particular Tuesday, when he arrived at the jail, he noticed a large hole dug in the lawn next to the jail building. He signed in and asked if they were planting a tree that day. He was told that one of the Police canines had been shot in the line of duty and was to be buried that day.Bruce’s first thought was that they were going to ask him to preach the dog’s funeral. He quickly went to the meeting room where the service was to be held. Trying, his best, not to be seen by anyone. As soon as the service was over, Bruce signed out and avoided eye contact with anyone. By now the lobby was filling up with officers who had come for the burial of the dog. He quickly made his way to his car and drove off.All the while the Holy Spirit was dealing with him about not staying. He spoke to God and said “Lord, how could I preach a dog’s funeral? What could I say? He was a good dog? He was a brown dog? He’s certainly a dead dog.” God’s spoke back to his spirit and said ‘You could have told them that this dog was faithful to his master, that he was always ready to protect his master, that he was willing to lay down his life for his master. Then you could have told them how the master laid down his life for a dog like you”A missed opportunity to share the word of truth. Bruce felt sick to his stomach for making excuses not to share God’s word. He promised the lord that he would be more conscience in the future. His philosophy became this… Any conversation is an opportunity to share Jesus with the world.His pastor, at that time, Pete Craig, had him preaching regularly at his church. One Sunday morning as Bruce arrived at church, Pastor Pete asked him, ”Do you know who’s preaching today?” Bruce looked across the congregation and recognized Pete’s former pastor and he asked Pete “Your old pastor?” Pastor Pete looked Bruce in the eye and said “No, you are. Are you ready?” Bruce looked back at Pastor Pete and said “I’m like Quaker oats, instant in season and out of season” He stood and preached one of the most powerful messages he had ever preached.On a regular basis, Bruce was sharing his personal testimony of how God had delivered him from the bonds of addiction. Then, in 2007, Bruce was ordained after 4 years of preaching. He was ordained by Pastor Pete Craig at the Solid Rock House of Worship in Barbourville, Kentucky. The church is an independent Pentecostal church.The ordination was a surprise to Bruce. His mother was in town and his aunt attended the service that day. His mother, who had prayed so urgently for his soul lived long enough to see her once wayward son presented to the Lord for service.BruceTestimonyCh3
http://www.livinginblackandwhite.com/profiles/blogs/2133465:BlogPost:5759
Will The Real Christ Please Stand Up!
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Posted by Blake Higginbotham
Part One - 2 Peter 2:1-3 But there were also false prophets among the people, even as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying Yahshua who bought them, and bring on themselves swift destruction. 2And many will follow their destructive ways, because of whom the way of truth will be blasphemed. 3By covetousness they will exploit you with deceptive words; for a long time their judgment has not been idle, and their destruction does not slumber.Let me preface what I am going to write by saying that I have always been a lover of the truth, and therefore in many things have been willing to explore truth previously unknown, and receive what was being revealed to me at the time. Revelatory knowledge and truth have become a life pursuit for me, and I have learned to make the turn in my heart and shift in order to go in whatever direction that it took me at the time.However, in recent years, I have seen a dangerous trend, as it pertains to the teachings that are coming out of some of the things that we have been seeing and hearing. As with most revelatory knowledge and truth we are moving from one place and level of understanding to another, and most of the time it is without regard for how the message will be perceived at the time, or what effect it will have in the people who hear it. I, for one, am deeply concerned about some of the things that I am now hearing, that in my estimation are corrupting and contaminating the true message of the gospel of the Kingdom. Over the last few years, I have become acutely aware of the mingled seed and mixture that has been carefully sown and strategically woven into the truth, and I fear that unless it is rooted up now, it will become a clinging vine growing up into the branches of the Tree Of Life, and spreading in the night at a rate that we will not be able to control it.As I have journeyed and made the transition from a religious mindset to a relational heart and understanding, much of what I held to as true in the past, has been changed or altered in some way. Just to mention a few without going into detail about all of these teachings. I do not embrace the pre-tribulation rapture theory the way that it has been taught for reasons that are clearly evident to any real Kingdom person.However, I do believe that we need to get caught up into Him, and be so thoroughly changed in the moment that many will not be able to recognize us the next time that they encounter us.In short, I am no longer looking to go up, up and away anywhere, I am not concerned about dying and going to Heaven. I am looking to be changed in the moment and caught up into Him and become a part of the New Jerusalem that is coming down.I am not interested in all of the different theories; but I am now embracing something that is working positive change in me, and it is having a powerful effect on the people who are receiving it. I am not interested in preaching or representing anything that does not have the power to change the heart and life of the person hearing it, or that does not have the power to change the world in which we live.I was talking with the Father just yesterday and I told Him, that by His help and grace, I would never preach another powerless message as long as I live. Needless to say, He was happy to hear it, and it made me feel better to make that declaration. Now, we will begin to weed out some of the weak, lame, powerless theories and philosophies that we have adopted through men’s writings (books) and or teachings that we have heard. In short, if it does not work, stop preaching it. If it does not serve a practical application now, stop embracing it so tightly that you whole message revolves around it. Brethren, I entreat you to hear my heart and consider what I am saying. Give us all a break.Also, before you preach or teach anything as absolute truth, consider what you are saying and how it is going to affect the people that are forced to listen to you. Look beyond the immediate listener to ten years down the road, when we will really see the results of your teaching. And let me say that you should always put a disclaimer on anything that is still in development, or has not been tried in the fire. For example, this is what I believe to be true, and it is based on what I am hearing and seeing right now. However, I reserve the right to change my mind should He clarify or correct any part of it. With that disclaimer alone it will give us all an opportunity to make adjustments around it in the future.One of the dangerous trends that I hear and see taking place in the Third Day, Open Heaven and Kingdom movement today is, there is a spirit of Anti-Messiah and Lawlessness that is beginning to corrupt the truth of the gospel of the Kingdom that will have devastating effects in the next few years if it is not challenged right now. Now, do not hang up on me! Listen to me for a minute, and you will hear what is troubling and concerning me about some of the mingled seed and mixture that has creped into the Ekklesia and the true Kingdom message. One of the teachings is a refried concoction of the Ultimate Reconciliation Doctrine that has taken on a new form and name being taught and embraced by many in the hour as the Doctrine of Inclusion.Let me emphatically say that there is no Biblical foundation for this doctrine as it is being portrayed, and it is a hybrid teaching that will prove to corrupt the Ekklesia and destroy a great number of people unless it is challenged and eradicated in its present form. It is not a revelation of the Spirit that will produce life, responsibility, accountability or change. It is a doctrine that embraces the lie that all men, past, present and future are and will be saved because of the finished work of Yahshua the Messiah on the impaling post.And in some of the extreme renditions of this doctrine, they believe that the devil himself will walk hand and hand with Yahshua back into the heart and arms of the Father. Many of the people who embrace this false doctrine do not believe in Hell, Retribution, The Devil, or that we are in a war that is still being waged over the souls and lives of men and women. And now, many of the people who embrace this doctrine in some form or fashion, have also embraced a gay friendly philosophy that allows homosexual men and women to become members of their church ministry, and even be ordained as elders and recognized as leaders.Now, I am not saying, that everybody I have met who believes in reconciliation, or the ministry of reconciliation embraces all of these extreme and erroneous views; but I do not remember walking away from a conversation with them that did not leave me concerned. I challenge you to read the bible for yourself. Study to show yourself approved unto Yahweh, a workman that need not be ashamed, rightly divided (handling) the work of truth. Do not let false prophets and teachers indoctrinate you with another gospel that will ultimately destroy all hope that we have of seeing the Kingdom established.And I caution you, do not lump everybody into the same mixing bowl of contaminating leaven just because of some similar terminology is being used. Ask questions and do not be afraid to pursue and embrace truth as it comes to you.If you have been exposed to this doctrine, I ask you to extrapolate truth out of it by sifting it through the Word and the Spirit of Yahweh, before you step out on it as a foundational teaching. It is not something that will produce life in the soulish and carnal believer. It is a dangerous and deleterious doctrine that will corrupt the body of Messiah and will ultimately destroy the Ekklesia in our lifetime. It is a doctrine that sounds logical and even good in part; but it does not challenge the people who receive it to change, improve or do anything different than they are doing. It caters to the hidden sins of the heart, unresolved mental and emotional conflicts, and causes people to accept in themselves things that must be changed about their self image in Him. Will The Real Christ Please Stand Up?2 Peter 2:17-19 These false teachers are dried-up springs. They are a mist blown around by a storm. Gloomy darkness has been kept for them. 18They arrogantly use nonsense to seduce people by appealing to their sexual desires, especially to sexual freedom. They seduce people who have just escaped from those who live in error. 19They promise these people freedom, but they themselves are slaves to corruption. A person is a slave to whatever he gives in to. (God’s Word)1 John 4:4-6 My dear children, you come from Yahweh and belong to Yahweh. You have already won a big victory over those false teachers, for the Spirit in you is far stronger than anything in the world. 5These people belong to the Christ-denying world. They talk the world’s language and the world eats it up. 6But we come from Yahweh and belong to Yahweh. Anyone who knows Yahweh understands us and listens. The person who has nothing to do with Yahweh will, of course, not listen to us. This is another test for telling the Spirit of Truth from the spirit of deception. (The Message Bible)Jude 3 Beloved, while I was very diligent to write to you concerning our common salvation, I found it necessary to write to you exhorting you to contend earnestly for the faith which was once for all delivered to the saints. 4For certain men have crept in unnoticed, who long ago were marked out for this condemnation, ungodly men, who turn the grace of our Yahweh into lewdness and deny the only Sovereign Elohim and our Sovereign Yahshua The Messiah. (NKJV)
http://www.livinginblackandwhite.com/profiles/blogs/2133465:BlogPost:6033
Part One - 2 Peter 2:1-3 But there were also false prophets among the people, even as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying Yahshua who bought them, and bring on themselves swift destruction. 2And many will follow their destructive ways, because of whom the way of truth will be blasphemed. 3By covetousness they will exploit you with deceptive words; for a long time their judgment has not been idle, and their destruction does not slumber.Let me preface what I am going to write by saying that I have always been a lover of the truth, and therefore in many things have been willing to explore truth previously unknown, and receive what was being revealed to me at the time. Revelatory knowledge and truth have become a life pursuit for me, and I have learned to make the turn in my heart and shift in order to go in whatever direction that it took me at the time.However, in recent years, I have seen a dangerous trend, as it pertains to the teachings that are coming out of some of the things that we have been seeing and hearing. As with most revelatory knowledge and truth we are moving from one place and level of understanding to another, and most of the time it is without regard for how the message will be perceived at the time, or what effect it will have in the people who hear it. I, for one, am deeply concerned about some of the things that I am now hearing, that in my estimation are corrupting and contaminating the true message of the gospel of the Kingdom. Over the last few years, I have become acutely aware of the mingled seed and mixture that has been carefully sown and strategically woven into the truth, and I fear that unless it is rooted up now, it will become a clinging vine growing up into the branches of the Tree Of Life, and spreading in the night at a rate that we will not be able to control it.As I have journeyed and made the transition from a religious mindset to a relational heart and understanding, much of what I held to as true in the past, has been changed or altered in some way. Just to mention a few without going into detail about all of these teachings. I do not embrace the pre-tribulation rapture theory the way that it has been taught for reasons that are clearly evident to any real Kingdom person.However, I do believe that we need to get caught up into Him, and be so thoroughly changed in the moment that many will not be able to recognize us the next time that they encounter us.In short, I am no longer looking to go up, up and away anywhere, I am not concerned about dying and going to Heaven. I am looking to be changed in the moment and caught up into Him and become a part of the New Jerusalem that is coming down.I am not interested in all of the different theories; but I am now embracing something that is working positive change in me, and it is having a powerful effect on the people who are receiving it. I am not interested in preaching or representing anything that does not have the power to change the heart and life of the person hearing it, or that does not have the power to change the world in which we live.I was talking with the Father just yesterday and I told Him, that by His help and grace, I would never preach another powerless message as long as I live. Needless to say, He was happy to hear it, and it made me feel better to make that declaration. Now, we will begin to weed out some of the weak, lame, powerless theories and philosophies that we have adopted through men’s writings (books) and or teachings that we have heard. In short, if it does not work, stop preaching it. If it does not serve a practical application now, stop embracing it so tightly that you whole message revolves around it. Brethren, I entreat you to hear my heart and consider what I am saying. Give us all a break.Also, before you preach or teach anything as absolute truth, consider what you are saying and how it is going to affect the people that are forced to listen to you. Look beyond the immediate listener to ten years down the road, when we will really see the results of your teaching. And let me say that you should always put a disclaimer on anything that is still in development, or has not been tried in the fire. For example, this is what I believe to be true, and it is based on what I am hearing and seeing right now. However, I reserve the right to change my mind should He clarify or correct any part of it. With that disclaimer alone it will give us all an opportunity to make adjustments around it in the future.One of the dangerous trends that I hear and see taking place in the Third Day, Open Heaven and Kingdom movement today is, there is a spirit of Anti-Messiah and Lawlessness that is beginning to corrupt the truth of the gospel of the Kingdom that will have devastating effects in the next few years if it is not challenged right now. Now, do not hang up on me! Listen to me for a minute, and you will hear what is troubling and concerning me about some of the mingled seed and mixture that has creped into the Ekklesia and the true Kingdom message. One of the teachings is a refried concoction of the Ultimate Reconciliation Doctrine that has taken on a new form and name being taught and embraced by many in the hour as the Doctrine of Inclusion.Let me emphatically say that there is no Biblical foundation for this doctrine as it is being portrayed, and it is a hybrid teaching that will prove to corrupt the Ekklesia and destroy a great number of people unless it is challenged and eradicated in its present form. It is not a revelation of the Spirit that will produce life, responsibility, accountability or change. It is a doctrine that embraces the lie that all men, past, present and future are and will be saved because of the finished work of Yahshua the Messiah on the impaling post.And in some of the extreme renditions of this doctrine, they believe that the devil himself will walk hand and hand with Yahshua back into the heart and arms of the Father. Many of the people who embrace this false doctrine do not believe in Hell, Retribution, The Devil, or that we are in a war that is still being waged over the souls and lives of men and women. And now, many of the people who embrace this doctrine in some form or fashion, have also embraced a gay friendly philosophy that allows homosexual men and women to become members of their church ministry, and even be ordained as elders and recognized as leaders.Now, I am not saying, that everybody I have met who believes in reconciliation, or the ministry of reconciliation embraces all of these extreme and erroneous views; but I do not remember walking away from a conversation with them that did not leave me concerned. I challenge you to read the bible for yourself. Study to show yourself approved unto Yahweh, a workman that need not be ashamed, rightly divided (handling) the work of truth. Do not let false prophets and teachers indoctrinate you with another gospel that will ultimately destroy all hope that we have of seeing the Kingdom established.And I caution you, do not lump everybody into the same mixing bowl of contaminating leaven just because of some similar terminology is being used. Ask questions and do not be afraid to pursue and embrace truth as it comes to you.If you have been exposed to this doctrine, I ask you to extrapolate truth out of it by sifting it through the Word and the Spirit of Yahweh, before you step out on it as a foundational teaching. It is not something that will produce life in the soulish and carnal believer. It is a dangerous and deleterious doctrine that will corrupt the body of Messiah and will ultimately destroy the Ekklesia in our lifetime. It is a doctrine that sounds logical and even good in part; but it does not challenge the people who receive it to change, improve or do anything different than they are doing. It caters to the hidden sins of the heart, unresolved mental and emotional conflicts, and causes people to accept in themselves things that must be changed about their self image in Him. Will The Real Christ Please Stand Up?2 Peter 2:17-19 These false teachers are dried-up springs. They are a mist blown around by a storm. Gloomy darkness has been kept for them. 18They arrogantly use nonsense to seduce people by appealing to their sexual desires, especially to sexual freedom. They seduce people who have just escaped from those who live in error. 19They promise these people freedom, but they themselves are slaves to corruption. A person is a slave to whatever he gives in to. (God’s Word)1 John 4:4-6 My dear children, you come from Yahweh and belong to Yahweh. You have already won a big victory over those false teachers, for the Spirit in you is far stronger than anything in the world. 5These people belong to the Christ-denying world. They talk the world’s language and the world eats it up. 6But we come from Yahweh and belong to Yahweh. Anyone who knows Yahweh understands us and listens. The person who has nothing to do with Yahweh will, of course, not listen to us. This is another test for telling the Spirit of Truth from the spirit of deception. (The Message Bible)Jude 3 Beloved, while I was very diligent to write to you concerning our common salvation, I found it necessary to write to you exhorting you to contend earnestly for the faith which was once for all delivered to the saints. 4For certain men have crept in unnoticed, who long ago were marked out for this condemnation, ungodly men, who turn the grace of our Yahweh into lewdness and deny the only Sovereign Elohim and our Sovereign Yahshua The Messiah. (NKJV)
http://www.livinginblackandwhite.com/profiles/blogs/2133465:BlogPost:6033
Will The Real Christ Please Stand Up!
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Posted by Blake Higginbotham
Part One - 2 Peter 2:1-3 But there were also false prophets among the people, even as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying Yahshua who bought them, and bring on themselves swift destruction. 2And many will follow their destructive ways, because of whom the way of truth will be blasphemed. 3By covetousness they will exploit you with deceptive words; for a long time their judgment has not been idle, and their destruction does not slumber.Let me preface what I am going to write by saying that I have always been a lover of the truth, and therefore in many things have been willing to explore truth previously unknown, and receive what was being revealed to me at the time. Revelatory knowledge and truth have become a life pursuit for me, and I have learned to make the turn in my heart and shift in order to go in whatever direction that it took me at the time.However, in recent years, I have seen a dangerous trend, as it pertains to the teachings that are coming out of some of the things that we have been seeing and hearing. As with most revelatory knowledge and truth we are moving from one place and level of understanding to another, and most of the time it is without regard for how the message will be perceived at the time, or what effect it will have in the people who hear it. I, for one, am deeply concerned about some of the things that I am now hearing, that in my estimation are corrupting and contaminating the true message of the gospel of the Kingdom. Over the last few years, I have become acutely aware of the mingled seed and mixture that has been carefully sown and strategically woven into the truth, and I fear that unless it is rooted up now, it will become a clinging vine growing up into the branches of the Tree Of Life, and spreading in the night at a rate that we will not be able to control it.As I have journeyed and made the transition from a religious mindset to a relational heart and understanding, much of what I held to as true in the past, has been changed or altered in some way. Just to mention a few without going into detail about all of these teachings. I do not embrace the pre-tribulation rapture theory the way that it has been taught for reasons that are clearly evident to any real Kingdom person.However, I do believe that we need to get caught up into Him, and be so thoroughly changed in the moment that many will not be able to recognize us the next time that they encounter us.In short, I am no longer looking to go up, up and away anywhere, I am not concerned about dying and going to Heaven. I am looking to be changed in the moment and caught up into Him and become a part of the New Jerusalem that is coming down.I am not interested in all of the different theories; but I am now embracing something that is working positive change in me, and it is having a powerful effect on the people who are receiving it. I am not interested in preaching or representing anything that does not have the power to change the heart and life of the person hearing it, or that does not have the power to change the world in which we live.I was talking with the Father just yesterday and I told Him, that by His help and grace, I would never preach another powerless message as long as I live. Needless to say, He was happy to hear it, and it made me feel better to make that declaration. Now, we will begin to weed out some of the weak, lame, powerless theories and philosophies that we have adopted through men’s writings (books) and or teachings that we have heard. In short, if it does not work, stop preaching it. If it does not serve a practical application now, stop embracing it so tightly that you whole message revolves around it. Brethren, I entreat you to hear my heart and consider what I am saying. Give us all a break.Also, before you preach or teach anything as absolute truth, consider what you are saying and how it is going to affect the people that are forced to listen to you. Look beyond the immediate listener to ten years down the road, when we will really see the results of your teaching. And let me say that you should always put a disclaimer on anything that is still in development, or has not been tried in the fire. For example, this is what I believe to be true, and it is based on what I am hearing and seeing right now. However, I reserve the right to change my mind should He clarify or correct any part of it. With that disclaimer alone it will give us all an opportunity to make adjustments around it in the future.One of the dangerous trends that I hear and see taking place in the Third Day, Open Heaven and Kingdom movement today is, there is a spirit of Anti-Messiah and Lawlessness that is beginning to corrupt the truth of the gospel of the Kingdom that will have devastating effects in the next few years if it is not challenged right now. Now, do not hang up on me! Listen to me for a minute, and you will hear what is troubling and concerning me about some of the mingled seed and mixture that has creped into the Ekklesia and the true Kingdom message. One of the teachings is a refried concoction of the Ultimate Reconciliation Doctrine that has taken on a new form and name being taught and embraced by many in the hour as the Doctrine of Inclusion.Let me emphatically say that there is no Biblical foundation for this doctrine as it is being portrayed, and it is a hybrid teaching that will prove to corrupt the Ekklesia and destroy a great number of people unless it is challenged and eradicated in its present form. It is not a revelation of the Spirit that will produce life, responsibility, accountability or change. It is a doctrine that embraces the lie that all men, past, present and future are and will be saved because of the finished work of Yahshua the Messiah on the impaling post.And in some of the extreme renditions of this doctrine, they believe that the devil himself will walk hand and hand with Yahshua back into the heart and arms of the Father. Many of the people who embrace this false doctrine do not believe in Hell, Retribution, The Devil, or that we are in a war that is still being waged over the souls and lives of men and women. And now, many of the people who embrace this doctrine in some form or fashion, have also embraced a gay friendly philosophy that allows homosexual men and women to become members of their church ministry, and even be ordained as elders and recognized as leaders.Now, I am not saying, that everybody I have met who believes in reconciliation, or the ministry of reconciliation embraces all of these extreme and erroneous views; but I do not remember walking away from a conversation with them that did not leave me concerned. I challenge you to read the bible for yourself. Study to show yourself approved unto Yahweh, a workman that need not be ashamed, rightly divided (handling) the work of truth. Do not let false prophets and teachers indoctrinate you with another gospel that will ultimately destroy all hope that we have of seeing the Kingdom established.And I caution you, do not lump everybody into the same mixing bowl of contaminating leaven just because of some similar terminology is being used. Ask questions and do not be afraid to pursue and embrace truth as it comes to you.If you have been exposed to this doctrine, I ask you to extrapolate truth out of it by sifting it through the Word and the Spirit of Yahweh, before you step out on it as a foundational teaching. It is not something that will produce life in the soulish and carnal believer. It is a dangerous and deleterious doctrine that will corrupt the body of Messiah and will ultimately destroy the Ekklesia in our lifetime. It is a doctrine that sounds logical and even good in part; but it does not challenge the people who receive it to change, improve or do anything different than they are doing. It caters to the hidden sins of the heart, unresolved mental and emotional conflicts, and causes people to accept in themselves things that must be changed about their self image in Him. Will The Real Christ Please Stand Up?2 Peter 2:17-19 These false teachers are dried-up springs. They are a mist blown around by a storm. Gloomy darkness has been kept for them. 18They arrogantly use nonsense to seduce people by appealing to their sexual desires, especially to sexual freedom. They seduce people who have just escaped from those who live in error. 19They promise these people freedom, but they themselves are slaves to corruption. A person is a slave to whatever he gives in to. (God’s Word)1 John 4:4-6 My dear children, you come from Yahweh and belong to Yahweh. You have already won a big victory over those false teachers, for the Spirit in you is far stronger than anything in the world. 5These people belong to the Christ-denying world. They talk the world’s language and the world eats it up. 6But we come from Yahweh and belong to Yahweh. Anyone who knows Yahweh understands us and listens. The person who has nothing to do with Yahweh will, of course, not listen to us. This is another test for telling the Spirit of Truth from the spirit of deception. (The Message Bible)Jude 3 Beloved, while I was very diligent to write to you concerning our common salvation, I found it necessary to write to you exhorting you to contend earnestly for the faith which was once for all delivered to the saints. 4For certain men have crept in unnoticed, who long ago were marked out for this condemnation, ungodly men, who turn the grace of our Yahweh into lewdness and deny the only Sovereign Elohim and our Sovereign Yahshua The Messiah. (NKJV)
http://www.livinginblackandwhite.com/profiles/blogs/2133465:BlogPost:6033
Part One - 2 Peter 2:1-3 But there were also false prophets among the people, even as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying Yahshua who bought them, and bring on themselves swift destruction. 2And many will follow their destructive ways, because of whom the way of truth will be blasphemed. 3By covetousness they will exploit you with deceptive words; for a long time their judgment has not been idle, and their destruction does not slumber.Let me preface what I am going to write by saying that I have always been a lover of the truth, and therefore in many things have been willing to explore truth previously unknown, and receive what was being revealed to me at the time. Revelatory knowledge and truth have become a life pursuit for me, and I have learned to make the turn in my heart and shift in order to go in whatever direction that it took me at the time.However, in recent years, I have seen a dangerous trend, as it pertains to the teachings that are coming out of some of the things that we have been seeing and hearing. As with most revelatory knowledge and truth we are moving from one place and level of understanding to another, and most of the time it is without regard for how the message will be perceived at the time, or what effect it will have in the people who hear it. I, for one, am deeply concerned about some of the things that I am now hearing, that in my estimation are corrupting and contaminating the true message of the gospel of the Kingdom. Over the last few years, I have become acutely aware of the mingled seed and mixture that has been carefully sown and strategically woven into the truth, and I fear that unless it is rooted up now, it will become a clinging vine growing up into the branches of the Tree Of Life, and spreading in the night at a rate that we will not be able to control it.As I have journeyed and made the transition from a religious mindset to a relational heart and understanding, much of what I held to as true in the past, has been changed or altered in some way. Just to mention a few without going into detail about all of these teachings. I do not embrace the pre-tribulation rapture theory the way that it has been taught for reasons that are clearly evident to any real Kingdom person.However, I do believe that we need to get caught up into Him, and be so thoroughly changed in the moment that many will not be able to recognize us the next time that they encounter us.In short, I am no longer looking to go up, up and away anywhere, I am not concerned about dying and going to Heaven. I am looking to be changed in the moment and caught up into Him and become a part of the New Jerusalem that is coming down.I am not interested in all of the different theories; but I am now embracing something that is working positive change in me, and it is having a powerful effect on the people who are receiving it. I am not interested in preaching or representing anything that does not have the power to change the heart and life of the person hearing it, or that does not have the power to change the world in which we live.I was talking with the Father just yesterday and I told Him, that by His help and grace, I would never preach another powerless message as long as I live. Needless to say, He was happy to hear it, and it made me feel better to make that declaration. Now, we will begin to weed out some of the weak, lame, powerless theories and philosophies that we have adopted through men’s writings (books) and or teachings that we have heard. In short, if it does not work, stop preaching it. If it does not serve a practical application now, stop embracing it so tightly that you whole message revolves around it. Brethren, I entreat you to hear my heart and consider what I am saying. Give us all a break.Also, before you preach or teach anything as absolute truth, consider what you are saying and how it is going to affect the people that are forced to listen to you. Look beyond the immediate listener to ten years down the road, when we will really see the results of your teaching. And let me say that you should always put a disclaimer on anything that is still in development, or has not been tried in the fire. For example, this is what I believe to be true, and it is based on what I am hearing and seeing right now. However, I reserve the right to change my mind should He clarify or correct any part of it. With that disclaimer alone it will give us all an opportunity to make adjustments around it in the future.One of the dangerous trends that I hear and see taking place in the Third Day, Open Heaven and Kingdom movement today is, there is a spirit of Anti-Messiah and Lawlessness that is beginning to corrupt the truth of the gospel of the Kingdom that will have devastating effects in the next few years if it is not challenged right now. Now, do not hang up on me! Listen to me for a minute, and you will hear what is troubling and concerning me about some of the mingled seed and mixture that has creped into the Ekklesia and the true Kingdom message. One of the teachings is a refried concoction of the Ultimate Reconciliation Doctrine that has taken on a new form and name being taught and embraced by many in the hour as the Doctrine of Inclusion.Let me emphatically say that there is no Biblical foundation for this doctrine as it is being portrayed, and it is a hybrid teaching that will prove to corrupt the Ekklesia and destroy a great number of people unless it is challenged and eradicated in its present form. It is not a revelation of the Spirit that will produce life, responsibility, accountability or change. It is a doctrine that embraces the lie that all men, past, present and future are and will be saved because of the finished work of Yahshua the Messiah on the impaling post.And in some of the extreme renditions of this doctrine, they believe that the devil himself will walk hand and hand with Yahshua back into the heart and arms of the Father. Many of the people who embrace this false doctrine do not believe in Hell, Retribution, The Devil, or that we are in a war that is still being waged over the souls and lives of men and women. And now, many of the people who embrace this doctrine in some form or fashion, have also embraced a gay friendly philosophy that allows homosexual men and women to become members of their church ministry, and even be ordained as elders and recognized as leaders.Now, I am not saying, that everybody I have met who believes in reconciliation, or the ministry of reconciliation embraces all of these extreme and erroneous views; but I do not remember walking away from a conversation with them that did not leave me concerned. I challenge you to read the bible for yourself. Study to show yourself approved unto Yahweh, a workman that need not be ashamed, rightly divided (handling) the work of truth. Do not let false prophets and teachers indoctrinate you with another gospel that will ultimately destroy all hope that we have of seeing the Kingdom established.And I caution you, do not lump everybody into the same mixing bowl of contaminating leaven just because of some similar terminology is being used. Ask questions and do not be afraid to pursue and embrace truth as it comes to you.If you have been exposed to this doctrine, I ask you to extrapolate truth out of it by sifting it through the Word and the Spirit of Yahweh, before you step out on it as a foundational teaching. It is not something that will produce life in the soulish and carnal believer. It is a dangerous and deleterious doctrine that will corrupt the body of Messiah and will ultimately destroy the Ekklesia in our lifetime. It is a doctrine that sounds logical and even good in part; but it does not challenge the people who receive it to change, improve or do anything different than they are doing. It caters to the hidden sins of the heart, unresolved mental and emotional conflicts, and causes people to accept in themselves things that must be changed about their self image in Him. Will The Real Christ Please Stand Up?2 Peter 2:17-19 These false teachers are dried-up springs. They are a mist blown around by a storm. Gloomy darkness has been kept for them. 18They arrogantly use nonsense to seduce people by appealing to their sexual desires, especially to sexual freedom. They seduce people who have just escaped from those who live in error. 19They promise these people freedom, but they themselves are slaves to corruption. A person is a slave to whatever he gives in to. (God’s Word)1 John 4:4-6 My dear children, you come from Yahweh and belong to Yahweh. You have already won a big victory over those false teachers, for the Spirit in you is far stronger than anything in the world. 5These people belong to the Christ-denying world. They talk the world’s language and the world eats it up. 6But we come from Yahweh and belong to Yahweh. Anyone who knows Yahweh understands us and listens. The person who has nothing to do with Yahweh will, of course, not listen to us. This is another test for telling the Spirit of Truth from the spirit of deception. (The Message Bible)Jude 3 Beloved, while I was very diligent to write to you concerning our common salvation, I found it necessary to write to you exhorting you to contend earnestly for the faith which was once for all delivered to the saints. 4For certain men have crept in unnoticed, who long ago were marked out for this condemnation, ungodly men, who turn the grace of our Yahweh into lewdness and deny the only Sovereign Elohim and our Sovereign Yahshua The Messiah. (NKJV)
http://www.livinginblackandwhite.com/profiles/blogs/2133465:BlogPost:6033
Speaking the Truth in Love!
0 commentsHello to everyone on Living in Black and White, Real Life in Christ. In Ephesians we read:Eph 4:10 He that descended is the same also that ascended up far above all heavens, that he might fill all things.)Eph 4:11 And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers;Eph 4:12 For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:Eph 4:13 Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ:Eph 4:14 That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;Eph 4:15 But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:Eph 4:16 From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.Eph 4:17 This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind,Eph 4:18 Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart:Eph 4:19 Who being past feeling have given themselves over unto lasciviousness, to work all uncleanness with greediness.Eph 4:20 But ye have not so learned Christ;Eph 4:21 If so be that ye have heard him, and have been taught by him, as the truth is in Jesus:Eph 4:22 That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts;Eph 4:23 And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;Eph 4:24 And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.Eph 4:25 Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another.Eph 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:Eph 4:27 Neither give place to the devil.Eph 4:28 Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth.Eph 4:29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.Eph 4:30 And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.Eph 4:31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:Eph 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.It is so wonderful that the Lord has spoken to us through the apostle Paul related to how we must edify the body, through our communication. Christian Social Networking can be a powerful tool to encourage, instruct, minister grace and connect us all in prayer for one another. It can also be a tool of the wicked one to divide, discourage and to quench the Spirit. As we dwell together on Living in Black and White, Real Life in Christ, we are committed to the verses above. Particularly, verse 15. Email messages and comments on pages should always embody, "Speaking the Truth in Love." Rick and I know that we have no corner on Biblical accuracy or depth of understanding. We have much to learn as we continue to grow in Christ Jesus. We can lead in one area, however and that is graciousness. We can always take the "high road" and value people and love everyone that graces this site or ours and by ours, I mean each one of ours. This is your home as well! We understand that many of you have other network homes and sites of your own, but when you are here we want you to feel loved and appreciated. This must begin with us and filter down through every other member. Please help us practice Ephesians 4, and let us know how we are doing.Agape and Shalom to you all!Rick, Betty and Greg - Team LIBAW, Real Life in Christ
http://www.livinginblackandwhite.com/profiles/blogs/2133465:BlogPost:6252
"In My Astonishment I Stuttered A Few Words."
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Posted by Mary
Over a month ago I sent out a post about a conversation between me and my grand daughter who turned 2 in June. She continues to amaze me with some of the things she says regarding God and His Holiness. This morning while fixing her breakfast I was reminding her of two rules her PoP-Pop has; do not step into the kitchen and do not open the door to outside. She received a serious spanking yesterday for breaking one of these rules. This morning she was reminding me of the spanking she received from Pop-Pop and I told her she got the spanking because he loves her so much and he does not want her to get hurt. She paused for a second, I could tell she was in deep thought and said, “He’s sa Holy, he loves me like God loves me.” I’m not going to even try to tell you my response to this because I can not remember. In my astonishment I stuttered a few words.
http://www.livinginblackandwhite.com/profiles/blogs/2133465:BlogPost:6354
Over a month ago I sent out a post about a conversation between me and my grand daughter who turned 2 in June. She continues to amaze me with some of the things she says regarding God and His Holiness. This morning while fixing her breakfast I was reminding her of two rules her PoP-Pop has; do not step into the kitchen and do not open the door to outside. She received a serious spanking yesterday for breaking one of these rules. This morning she was reminding me of the spanking she received from Pop-Pop and I told her she got the spanking because he loves her so much and he does not want her to get hurt. She paused for a second, I could tell she was in deep thought and said, “He’s sa Holy, he loves me like God loves me.” I’m not going to even try to tell you my response to this because I can not remember. In my astonishment I stuttered a few words.
http://www.livinginblackandwhite.com/profiles/blogs/2133465:BlogPost:6354
I Am Blessed
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Posted by Mary
Greg and I are blessed to have kids that are training their children, our grandchildren, Godly principles such as prayer, bible reading and worship. Here is a picture of our firstborn grand child,Taylor. She is around 2 years old in this picture worshipping God in her church in Idaho. I can’t help but to get teary eyed whenever I look at this photo.
http://www.livinginblackandwhite.com/profiles/blogs/2133465:BlogPost:6363
Greg and I are blessed to have kids that are training their children, our grandchildren, Godly principles such as prayer, bible reading and worship. Here is a picture of our firstborn grand child,Taylor. She is around 2 years old in this picture worshipping God in her church in Idaho. I can’t help but to get teary eyed whenever I look at this photo.
http://www.livinginblackandwhite.com/profiles/blogs/2133465:BlogPost:6363
In search of a Life - Chapter 2 - The Illumination
0 commentsBruce was going to church with his aunt. It was a local Assemblies of God church called Harvest Community Church.One week, while praying at church, Bruce’s attention was drawn to a woman who was being prayed for. As she returned to her seat, she passed by him. She didn’t notice him. But, as she passed by him, he could see not only her physical being, but he could see deep into her heart. It was as if The Lord opened up her heart and exposed it to him.Bruce saw a life troubled by pain, loneliness and failed relationships. He was still praying, and he asked God why He would show him such a sight. There must be a reason, but what was it? Was God telling him to do something? Or was He merely showing Bruce that he wasn’t the only person who was dealing with something?
http://www.livinginblackandwhite.com/profiles/blogs/2133465:BlogPost:6690
Will The Real Christ Please Stand Up!
0 commentsPart Two - Posted by Blake Higginbotham
2Peter 2:1-3 But there were also false prophets among the people, even as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying Yahshua who bought them, and bring on themselves swift destruction. 2And many will follow their destructive ways, because of whom the way of truth will be blasphemed. 3By covetousness they will exploit you with deceptive words; for a long time their judgment has not been idle, and their destruction does not slumber.Jude 3 Beloved, while I was very diligent to write to you concerning our common salvation, I found it necessary to write to you exhorting you to contend earnestly for the faith which was once for all delivered to the saints. 4For certain men have crept in unnoticed, who long ago were marked out for this condemnation, ungodly men, who turn the grace of our Yahweh into lewdness and deny the only Sovereign Elohim and our Sovereign Yahshua The Messiah. (NKJV)Beloved, this is where I left off writing in part one. So let me say to those of you that are still listening. Thank you for the gracious encouragement and support to address these issues. To those of you who cannot hear what the Spirit is saying through me right now, I bless you anyway, and I will be praying for all of us. We are going to need it.Quote: “However, in recent years, I have seen a dangerous trend, as it pertains to the teachings that are coming out of some of the things that we have been seeing and hearing. As with most revelatory knowledge and truth we are moving from one place and level of understanding to another, and most of the time it is without regard for how the message will be perceived at the time, or what effect it will have in the people who hear it. I, for one, am deeply concerned about some of the things that I am now hearing, that in my estimation are corrupting and contaminating the true message of the gospel of the Kingdom. Over the last few years, I have become acutely aware of the mingled seed and mixture that has been carefully sown and strategically woven into the truth, and I fear that unless it is rooted up now, it will become a clinging vine growing up into the branches of the Tree Of Life, and spreading in the night at a rate that we will not be able to control it. “ blhIf you can hear it, this is the ThirdDay and we are under an OpenHeaven. With that said, the “church age” as we have known it has come to an end and we have now begun to posture ourselves as sons of Yahweh to fully enter the “Kingdom Age.” Dispensationally speaking, I believe that we are in the overlapping time, between the ages. (The Church Age and the Kingdom Age). We are between, Revelation 3:14-22 & Revelation 4:1. We must come up higher to see and hear things with will happen now and from this time forth.We are moving from a religious mindset to a relational mindset. From an institutional way of thinking and operating to Father/Son relationship and Family! The scripture teaches that the kingdom of Yahweh is not coming by observation; but rather the Kingdom is within you. The word Kingdom means, King’s/Domain. We must receive a greater understanding of the Kingdom of Yahweh, if we are going to rule and reign in life by Messiah Yahshua. We must become the King’s Domain in every area of our lives. He must have supreme say-so (the first and last word) in all the affairs of our lives. He must rule in and out of the throne of our hearts and reign supreme in all of our ways. If we hope to see, understand and fully enter into the Kingdom we must know and have the King’s heart, blessing and favor. “I was born to serve the King, nothing else really matters.” blh This, needs to be our heart, song and our banner.The sons of Yahweh are beginning to hear His voice again and it will not be long before we start showing up in the strength of unity. When we do, He will appear in our midst. As I speak, the corporate man is moving into position to be properly aligned and joined with the head and one another. Even as I am writing this article people from all walks of life and from every nation under the sun are beginning to hear the voice within the sound that is coming from the throne. This truly is a Solomon’s Porch moment. You will not want to miss it. Acts 5:12Quote: “However, there is another dangerous trend that I hear and see taking place in the Third Day, Open Heaven and Kingdom movement today. There is a spirit of Anti-Messiah and Lawlessness that is beginning to corrupt the truth of the gospel of the Kingdom that will have devastating effects in the next few years, if it is not challenged right now.” blhUnfortunately, in the middle of the greatest moment in the history of the Ekklesia there is an out-of-balance and somewhat disturbing teaching concerning the Christ and Glory that is not sitting well in my spirit at this time. I am hoping that it represents the pendulum swinging way over to one side in order to redirect our attention to the body of Messiah; but as with most of these over-blown and somewhat eccentric thoughts and ideas I have to assume the worse for now.Embedded in the middle of one of the greatest messages the Ekklesia has ever heard concerning the many-membered, one new corporate man, is a spirit of lawlessness and rebellion that is working to make the fivefold ministry and their function obsolete, outdated, and old school with a blatant attempt to eradicate and do away with the gift, office, function and operation of the Apostle.Let me say, that it is subtly masked with buzz words and phrases like, the apostolic gifting and anointing is the foundation of the building, therefore, it is the lowest and most invisible part of the structure. The apostolic gifting and anointing is just another part of the body and we should not elevate one gifting or anointing over another. The apostolic gifting and anointing is working its way out of a job. I think you get my point.All of these buzz words and phrases are filled with pointed remarks, sneers and a gross disrespect for the fathers of the faith and the sent ones that Yahshua has given to the Ekklesia. They do not represent the heart of a true son and they are not the way of honor. Most of them come out of a lack of training and ignorance to what the scripture teaches. I would venture to say that there are more bastard sons that have been raised in the wilderness than all of the bad fathers combined. Also, let me say that this is the day and the hour for apostolic reformation, and there are some things about the apostolic mindset that are changing. We did the best we could with what we had at the time; but we have been waiting a long time for this moment, and we will not be denied.If you can hear it, the apostle has never been the foundation of the house that Yahshua is building. That is a misinterpretation of the scripture. Yahshua, (The Rock) has and always will be the foundation and chief cornerstone of the building, and no other foundation can any man lay that that which was been laid even Messiah Yahshua. Apostles are foundational fathers. They have been given to us for the purpose of removing the debris from the foundation, so that we can see the foundation upon which to build. They have been given to us to establish us.They are not supposed to disappear or go away. If they were doing what they are called to do, they would never work their way out of a job, because you would be trained and equipped for ministry or business, or a combination thereof. You would be influencing and winning the world in which you live, and they would always have new sons and daughters to teach, train and develop. You see how easy it is to get off track and miss the mark. To say that the apostle is nothing more than a part of the body is to take the power out of their authority, as it pertains to speaking into your life, and is not dissimilar to gagging them and tying their hands. The reason that this thought and idea is gaining popularity in the ThirdDay, OpenHeaven and Kingdom movement is because someone, who has never has never received or had a spiritual father, told us that apostles are not supposed to be honored gifts of men that have been sent to the body of Messiah. The scripture says that Yahweh has appointed these in the Ekklesia, first apostles and secondary prophets, then teachers and all of the other giftings and anointings. Ephesians 4-11-16, Ephesians 2:19-22, 1 Corinthians 3:9-11, 1 Corinthians 12:27-30I have no doubt that some of this will come as a surprise to some of the people who are reading it; but I am going to say it anyway. If we do not receive Kingdom Government and Apostolic Order the Ekklesia will not be matured in our lifetime. It cannot be accomplished with books and CDs. The work cannot be finished by television ministers and pastor driven church works. There is no one in the earth right now that can do the work of the apostle and the prophet accept those who are called, chosen and sent to do the work. Many men and ministers today are operating out of order and their rightful place and it is going to end in a major disaster. Brethren, I adjure you in the name of Yahshua to consider these things. “The apostles are here to stay and they are not going away.” Count on it! Take it to the bank! We are a part of the finished work and the work of finishing. So It Is!2 Peter 2:17-19 These false teachers are dried-up springs. They are a mist blown around by a storm. Gloomy darkness has been kept for them. 18They arrogantly use nonsense to seduce people by appealing to their sexual desires, especially to sexual freedom. They seduce people who have just escaped from those who live in error. 19They promise these people freedom, but they themselves are slaves to corruption. A person is a slave to whatever he gives in to. (God’s Word)1 John 4:4-6 My dear children, you come from Yahweh and belong to Yahweh. You have already won a big victory over those false teachers, for the Spirit in you is far stronger than anything in the world. 5These people belong to the Christ-denying world. They talk the world’s language and the world eats it up. 6But we come from Yahweh and belong to Yahweh. Anyone who knows Yahweh understands us and listens. The person who has nothing to do with Yahweh will, of course, not listen to us. This is another test for telling the Spirit of Truth from the spirit of deception. (The Message Bible)
http://www.livinginblackandwhite.com/profiles/blogs/2133465:BlogPost:7070
My Testimony
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Posted by Angela D. Fellows
My TestimonyWhen I asked God to show me what He wanted me to do with my life, He wasn’t slow to respond………My name is Angela and I need to tell you how our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, set me free from the pit of hell that I had let myself fall into.Where do I start? My testimony starts out with me fulfilling my dream of becoming a Mommy…When people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would always say, “A Mommy”, and it was the truth,I watched my mother take care of me, my dad, and brother…..and we really were a happy family. I didn’t know anything about drug and alcohol abuse, I never seen it in my home and my dad never even raised his voice to my mother…..that’s why it was so hard for me to consume when it started happening to me.By the age of 23, I had 4 beautiful children. The first time my husband abused me was 1 week after our first son was born. Oh, there were signs of abuse way before that, I was just to naïve to notice. I just wanted his love, no matter what I had to do to get it, and I got a lot of love the day after our nights of fighting. I was just as sick as he was for staying.When I started getting drunk and using drugs with my husband, that is where everything started going down hill. But, when I was drunk, the beatings didn’t hurt so bad. And when I started using with him, we spent more time together. It sounds so ridiculous now, but you have to understand, he was my world, I loved him and wanted his love, no matter how I had to get it.By the age of 25 I had a cocaine habit that was out of this world…..started out snorting it, and then I let the man that I loved so much, put a needle in my arm. I had never felt so disgusted about myself …….I was finally a junkie…..I needed it. I stole money from my job with the thought of putting it back when I got the money…That time never came. One morning I was still wide awake at sun up, and I looked at myself, 90 pounds soaking wet wearing long sleeve shirts in 90 degree weather, because I didn’t want anyone seeing my track marks, my kids were about to wake up, I felt like giving up…..I broke the needle into and said I had had enough.That worked for a little while and then……………..I was introduced to crack cocaine. This was the beginning of my end. We started losing everything. We were at the point of living in a one room motel room, me stealing food, diapers, and formula for my children. Then came the day that I will never forget…..The police came to our room and had a warrant for my arrest. Someone had finally found out about the money that I thought no one would miss. I went to jail and my kids were taken to social service. They gave me probation and a plan for me to get my kids back, but you have to understand, my kids were my life. I couldn’t get things on track. I hurt so bad, I just wanted to stay numb, and I did , with the drugs. I couldn’t understand how I could not stop using. I felt disgusting….I begged God to take that addiction from me, but kept right on getting high.By this time , my husband and I were just wondering the streets, pan handling for drug money. Then one day I was walking down the street and a man stopped and asked me if I needed a ride, so I said yea, thinking I could con him out of some money, and he said “How would you like to make $40?” I was like, “Yea, sure what do you want me to do?” The rest is history, it took me 10 minutes to make $40. I knew after a while that my husband knew what I was doingto get money, I even had one guy park in front of our motel room so my husband could see me. All I wanted him to do was tell me to stop, but he never did…..I knew then that our marriage was over. II continued making money for our drugs and getting high was now our relationship. As long as I came back with drugs or money, my husband was happy and I never again had to worry about getting hit on. I think back on it now and wish that he would have just beat me down to stop doing what I was doing .The time came when my luck finally ran out and I went to prison for theft. I ended up getting 5 years. I became a model prisoner and really wanted to change my life. I became the Chaplain’s assistant. I just wanted to get out and get my children, but soon found out that would be impossible because they had been adopted out . I was so angry with God and the world…..how could you let that happen, God, I have been so faithful in here.When I was released from prison, I stayed clean for a while, but I was alone and felt empty so it was very easy to go back to the scene that was so familiar to me. I didn’t want to be an addict or a prostitute, but I was a survivor. I learned how to keep on surviving and smiling when I felt so low I could die. My life became a never ending cycle. I got high to feel numb and I had to be numb to make money to get high. It became crazy…..I got arrested here and there for petty charges, and would get clean. I even tried rehab. But, I wasn’t ready to give it up. No body or nothing can help you stop until you are ready to stop.One of those times that I was in rehab, I got a phone call from my mother,(God bless my parents, I really put them through some changes with my addiction) she said that she had just gotten a phone call from my oldest son and he wanted to come and see me. The last time I had seen him, he was 5 years old and he was now 17. I was so excited, I could finally be a Mommy, again. Unfortunately, that wasn’t going to happen. At that point in my sons life he already was into drugs himself and he was headed down I dead end street. I tried to tell him what was ahead, but he wasn’t listening. (Sound familiar).Next I got to meet my second son. We bonded really quickly, it even came to a point where he was able to come live with me. He was 15 and still in school. I got a job and a place to live so fast it wasn’t even funny. I worked my butt off, but it felt so good because I had someone to take care of. Until……he got in trouble in school and the judge said he had to go back and live with his grandparents (that’s who adopted him and my oldest son, the other 2 were adopted to a different family). I was devastated, I had become so used to him being with me that when he was gone I felt ripped apart, so what did I do? You got it, got high! I went on a binge for 5 days and when I came home this is the message I heard on my answering machine“Mom, when you get this message call me” 2nd message “Mom where are you, I got some good news” 3rd message “I’m really getting worried, where are you?” 4th message “I know you’re getting high again” 5th message “I hate you, I knew you wouldn’t quit”.Listening to those messages brought me to my knees. I had missed my chance again to be a Mommy to my son. He wanted nothing to do with me. So many chances, so many wrong choices. I blamed myself for so much. But, I wouldn’t give it all up yet.I lost a lot of years to the streets, drugs, and alcohol. I thought I knew so much. I tried to keep the young girls out there from making thesame mistakes I made so I started my own escort service on line. I was basically pimping out young girls, so I could stay off my feet plus still get high. I thought, “This is great, why didn’t I think of this sooner”, but still there was an emptiness I could not fill.One day while calling back east I learned that my son had had a son, and I was a grandma. I called my ex-husband and he said something that was so profound. He said, “Ang, what are you doing still out there? You’re missing it all. You have grandkids.” I hung up the phone and cried. I cried first for selfish reasons: Here my ex was, the one who was still drinking and using drugs having a relationship with our son. And then I cried because I knew he was right.. I fell to my knees again…..this time asking God to help me change, I couldn’t do it alone and He wasn’t going to fix it for me without me participating a little bit. I put myself in a safe place because at the time I had one of the biggest crack houses in Denver, Colorado, and I began to make changes, for 18 months I did nothing but do Bible studies, go to church and pray. I found out things I never knew before, things like how I needed to forgive my ex-husband for EVERYTHING in order to forgive myself. That took a lot of time in itself, but it got done and I started seeing changes. Slowly at first……My oldest son had been caught with a meth lab and was doing time. He had a daughter that I didn’t know about…..My second son was back east and I continuously wrote letters to him(praying over them every time I sent them out.) I then one day got a response back with pictures of my grandson. God didn’t stop there……..When I finally was released, I went back to my house and collected all my things and left there praying not to be like Lots wife, I never wanted to look back, and I didn’t.I came on the Greyhound to Fairmont, West Virginia. I have family here, and I thought that was the reason God brought me here, but He had a bigger plan. My ex mother-in-law and I have always been close and she prayed for me when everybody else gave up on me. She helped me get set up when I got here and took me to her church. When I walked into Viola Church and heard that Pastor speak for the first time……I knew I was here for a reason. Not only have I been taught the Word of God, but I learn daily how to grow in His word. Things haven’t been easy with my son and I, but I have kept being faithful to the One who was faithful to me, and He has given me blessing upon blessing.On June 17th, 2008, I received a phone call from my oldest son who lives in Colorado still and he says, “Mom, there is someone who wants to talk to you”, it was my only daughter. She was now 18 years old and came looking for her family. I praise God that I was able to receive that call, because without the help of Jesus, I would still be out there on those streets selling my body, doing drugs, and pimping out young girls, and never would have gotten that call.I go to church regularly because God is my strength. I could have never changed my life without Him, believe me, I tried. My goal now is to help girls stay off the streets. If I can help one personnot go through what I went through, I will be happy. The devil took a lot from me out there….My children, my marriage, my self-esteem , but God gave it back to me. I may not be married anymore, but my husband is the maker of all creation. And I know in time, God will bring me a soul mate, I’m not going to let all the pain be for nothing, I want to bring something good out of it.God saved my life out there.....I should have been dead many times over (that's a testimony in itself). He has had His hand on me for years, I still have my looks, my teeth, and my health after 20 years of using and living on the streets.To this day, I have a wonderful relationship with my oldest son,( who is clean and doing really well. )with my daughter (who will be leaving to go in the Army), My youngest son can’t contact me until he is 18 (which will be next year), but we have talked on the phone once. I am working hard on my relationship with my second son. He has a lot of anger built up in him. I have let him down, but I hope and pray that one day he will give his life to the one who will never let him down, Jesus Christ. And……..I’m a grandma to 3! My ex husband is remarried and I pray for them daily. He also has cirrhosis and battles with taking a drink daily. I will never forget how the man who changed my life to begin with in the end help me make my decision to change it again. God will use anyone He can to get our attention.I am going on 2 years of being clean and I give all the praise and all the glory to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. This was written not so you could hear all the things I have been through, but what God brought me through. This is to glorify Him, because like I said......YOU CAN DO NOTHING UNTIL YOU GIVE IT ALL TO HIM!Angela
http://www.livinginblackandwhite.com/profiles/blogs/2133465:BlogPost:7144
My TestimonyWhen I asked God to show me what He wanted me to do with my life, He wasn’t slow to respond………My name is Angela and I need to tell you how our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, set me free from the pit of hell that I had let myself fall into.Where do I start? My testimony starts out with me fulfilling my dream of becoming a Mommy…When people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would always say, “A Mommy”, and it was the truth,I watched my mother take care of me, my dad, and brother…..and we really were a happy family. I didn’t know anything about drug and alcohol abuse, I never seen it in my home and my dad never even raised his voice to my mother…..that’s why it was so hard for me to consume when it started happening to me.By the age of 23, I had 4 beautiful children. The first time my husband abused me was 1 week after our first son was born. Oh, there were signs of abuse way before that, I was just to naïve to notice. I just wanted his love, no matter what I had to do to get it, and I got a lot of love the day after our nights of fighting. I was just as sick as he was for staying.When I started getting drunk and using drugs with my husband, that is where everything started going down hill. But, when I was drunk, the beatings didn’t hurt so bad. And when I started using with him, we spent more time together. It sounds so ridiculous now, but you have to understand, he was my world, I loved him and wanted his love, no matter how I had to get it.By the age of 25 I had a cocaine habit that was out of this world…..started out snorting it, and then I let the man that I loved so much, put a needle in my arm. I had never felt so disgusted about myself …….I was finally a junkie…..I needed it. I stole money from my job with the thought of putting it back when I got the money…That time never came. One morning I was still wide awake at sun up, and I looked at myself, 90 pounds soaking wet wearing long sleeve shirts in 90 degree weather, because I didn’t want anyone seeing my track marks, my kids were about to wake up, I felt like giving up…..I broke the needle into and said I had had enough.That worked for a little while and then……………..I was introduced to crack cocaine. This was the beginning of my end. We started losing everything. We were at the point of living in a one room motel room, me stealing food, diapers, and formula for my children. Then came the day that I will never forget…..The police came to our room and had a warrant for my arrest. Someone had finally found out about the money that I thought no one would miss. I went to jail and my kids were taken to social service. They gave me probation and a plan for me to get my kids back, but you have to understand, my kids were my life. I couldn’t get things on track. I hurt so bad, I just wanted to stay numb, and I did , with the drugs. I couldn’t understand how I could not stop using. I felt disgusting….I begged God to take that addiction from me, but kept right on getting high.By this time , my husband and I were just wondering the streets, pan handling for drug money. Then one day I was walking down the street and a man stopped and asked me if I needed a ride, so I said yea, thinking I could con him out of some money, and he said “How would you like to make $40?” I was like, “Yea, sure what do you want me to do?” The rest is history, it took me 10 minutes to make $40. I knew after a while that my husband knew what I was doingto get money, I even had one guy park in front of our motel room so my husband could see me. All I wanted him to do was tell me to stop, but he never did…..I knew then that our marriage was over. II continued making money for our drugs and getting high was now our relationship. As long as I came back with drugs or money, my husband was happy and I never again had to worry about getting hit on. I think back on it now and wish that he would have just beat me down to stop doing what I was doing .The time came when my luck finally ran out and I went to prison for theft. I ended up getting 5 years. I became a model prisoner and really wanted to change my life. I became the Chaplain’s assistant. I just wanted to get out and get my children, but soon found out that would be impossible because they had been adopted out . I was so angry with God and the world…..how could you let that happen, God, I have been so faithful in here.When I was released from prison, I stayed clean for a while, but I was alone and felt empty so it was very easy to go back to the scene that was so familiar to me. I didn’t want to be an addict or a prostitute, but I was a survivor. I learned how to keep on surviving and smiling when I felt so low I could die. My life became a never ending cycle. I got high to feel numb and I had to be numb to make money to get high. It became crazy…..I got arrested here and there for petty charges, and would get clean. I even tried rehab. But, I wasn’t ready to give it up. No body or nothing can help you stop until you are ready to stop.One of those times that I was in rehab, I got a phone call from my mother,(God bless my parents, I really put them through some changes with my addiction) she said that she had just gotten a phone call from my oldest son and he wanted to come and see me. The last time I had seen him, he was 5 years old and he was now 17. I was so excited, I could finally be a Mommy, again. Unfortunately, that wasn’t going to happen. At that point in my sons life he already was into drugs himself and he was headed down I dead end street. I tried to tell him what was ahead, but he wasn’t listening. (Sound familiar).Next I got to meet my second son. We bonded really quickly, it even came to a point where he was able to come live with me. He was 15 and still in school. I got a job and a place to live so fast it wasn’t even funny. I worked my butt off, but it felt so good because I had someone to take care of. Until……he got in trouble in school and the judge said he had to go back and live with his grandparents (that’s who adopted him and my oldest son, the other 2 were adopted to a different family). I was devastated, I had become so used to him being with me that when he was gone I felt ripped apart, so what did I do? You got it, got high! I went on a binge for 5 days and when I came home this is the message I heard on my answering machine“Mom, when you get this message call me” 2nd message “Mom where are you, I got some good news” 3rd message “I’m really getting worried, where are you?” 4th message “I know you’re getting high again” 5th message “I hate you, I knew you wouldn’t quit”.Listening to those messages brought me to my knees. I had missed my chance again to be a Mommy to my son. He wanted nothing to do with me. So many chances, so many wrong choices. I blamed myself for so much. But, I wouldn’t give it all up yet.I lost a lot of years to the streets, drugs, and alcohol. I thought I knew so much. I tried to keep the young girls out there from making thesame mistakes I made so I started my own escort service on line. I was basically pimping out young girls, so I could stay off my feet plus still get high. I thought, “This is great, why didn’t I think of this sooner”, but still there was an emptiness I could not fill.One day while calling back east I learned that my son had had a son, and I was a grandma. I called my ex-husband and he said something that was so profound. He said, “Ang, what are you doing still out there? You’re missing it all. You have grandkids.” I hung up the phone and cried. I cried first for selfish reasons: Here my ex was, the one who was still drinking and using drugs having a relationship with our son. And then I cried because I knew he was right.. I fell to my knees again…..this time asking God to help me change, I couldn’t do it alone and He wasn’t going to fix it for me without me participating a little bit. I put myself in a safe place because at the time I had one of the biggest crack houses in Denver, Colorado, and I began to make changes, for 18 months I did nothing but do Bible studies, go to church and pray. I found out things I never knew before, things like how I needed to forgive my ex-husband for EVERYTHING in order to forgive myself. That took a lot of time in itself, but it got done and I started seeing changes. Slowly at first……My oldest son had been caught with a meth lab and was doing time. He had a daughter that I didn’t know about…..My second son was back east and I continuously wrote letters to him(praying over them every time I sent them out.) I then one day got a response back with pictures of my grandson. God didn’t stop there……..When I finally was released, I went back to my house and collected all my things and left there praying not to be like Lots wife, I never wanted to look back, and I didn’t.I came on the Greyhound to Fairmont, West Virginia. I have family here, and I thought that was the reason God brought me here, but He had a bigger plan. My ex mother-in-law and I have always been close and she prayed for me when everybody else gave up on me. She helped me get set up when I got here and took me to her church. When I walked into Viola Church and heard that Pastor speak for the first time……I knew I was here for a reason. Not only have I been taught the Word of God, but I learn daily how to grow in His word. Things haven’t been easy with my son and I, but I have kept being faithful to the One who was faithful to me, and He has given me blessing upon blessing.On June 17th, 2008, I received a phone call from my oldest son who lives in Colorado still and he says, “Mom, there is someone who wants to talk to you”, it was my only daughter. She was now 18 years old and came looking for her family. I praise God that I was able to receive that call, because without the help of Jesus, I would still be out there on those streets selling my body, doing drugs, and pimping out young girls, and never would have gotten that call.I go to church regularly because God is my strength. I could have never changed my life without Him, believe me, I tried. My goal now is to help girls stay off the streets. If I can help one personnot go through what I went through, I will be happy. The devil took a lot from me out there….My children, my marriage, my self-esteem , but God gave it back to me. I may not be married anymore, but my husband is the maker of all creation. And I know in time, God will bring me a soul mate, I’m not going to let all the pain be for nothing, I want to bring something good out of it.God saved my life out there.....I should have been dead many times over (that's a testimony in itself). He has had His hand on me for years, I still have my looks, my teeth, and my health after 20 years of using and living on the streets.To this day, I have a wonderful relationship with my oldest son,( who is clean and doing really well. )with my daughter (who will be leaving to go in the Army), My youngest son can’t contact me until he is 18 (which will be next year), but we have talked on the phone once. I am working hard on my relationship with my second son. He has a lot of anger built up in him. I have let him down, but I hope and pray that one day he will give his life to the one who will never let him down, Jesus Christ. And……..I’m a grandma to 3! My ex husband is remarried and I pray for them daily. He also has cirrhosis and battles with taking a drink daily. I will never forget how the man who changed my life to begin with in the end help me make my decision to change it again. God will use anyone He can to get our attention.I am going on 2 years of being clean and I give all the praise and all the glory to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. This was written not so you could hear all the things I have been through, but what God brought me through. This is to glorify Him, because like I said......YOU CAN DO NOTHING UNTIL YOU GIVE IT ALL TO HIM!Angela
http://www.livinginblackandwhite.com/profiles/blogs/2133465:BlogPost:7144
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